"hey, um... are you OK?"
my world snaps back into focus,
a startled glance over my shoulder,
I knuckle my eyes, already red and puffy
"you don't look so good..."
my mouth is sticky at the corners,
my throat is unbelievably dry,
I can't breathe,
let alone speak...
"I'm so tired, so ******* tired of living. I'm sorry that I'm such a mess, but my world just seems to be spinning out of control - I've not been getting much sleep lately,
but y'know, it's kinda hard to sleep when your heart is at war with your own twisted mind.
It's hard to breathe when your breath is constantly being stolen by the storm in your head, and I'm so ******* tired of feeling like I'm not good enough.
But hey, y'know what? - it's better than telling myself that I don't need anyone, then realising that they don't need me.
It's a sick world we live in where I'm made to feel like I don't deserve love because I'm not a stereo typical person who likes stereo typical things. and I'm sorry that I'm not good enough for society's standards, but there's no need to make my life a living hell because of it.
So no, I'm not *'OK', but thanks for asking anyway."
but never mind,
I know that you wouldn't understand,
And I know that I've been quiet too long - you're looking restless.
I don't *want to,
but I have to say something,
because you took that choice away from me when you decided to be "kind"
"sorry,"
I whisper, my voice barely audible above my breath
I don't know why I am apologising
*"I'm fine..."