How long will it take her to understand that your blood is laced with loneliness? That the smoke staining her tongue cannot subdue the angry taste of your mouth? That the hands that hold her neck want to strangle the air encased under skin and no song or word or feeling can dilute you. why did I wish you cared enough to **** the life out of me? Why I wasn't enough to ****. You play with my insecurities like kittens, laughing at how they can't jump high enough teasing with what's just out of reach, I was a mouse weaving through the holes I thought I had gnawed in you but your hands stopped me in my place: put me in my place. I am nothing but a comfort when the weight of the world lands on your chest, I'm your oxygen mask as the plane starts to crash and you swore up and down you loved me but years have made it clear you don't know what that means. Your words are an empty void I would gravitate towards them, let myself get ****** in you told me I'm different that you didn't want to hurt me though years of pain beg to differ. I should have called you puppet masterΒ Β instead I called you dear and I have realized I deserve better, that I don't have any more years to give you, but I still craved your attention and your jealousy as though I could teach you love and how to feel it right. But at 16 I had you figured out; you've only regressed since then. and I should be used to people letting me down; etching their names in my heart as a reminder but you were supposed to be the cure. The end to my self imposed suffering. You bring no good to me, trap me in the light of the child I used to be, and your name haunted my lips like the last time you kissed me but none of this would ease how I wanted you to hurt me. Prove you cared with your actions. Your words are white noise. I need to focus on the swollen melody my heart is performing. But how do I find closure, To what will always feel