I wish you knew me
but you don't.

Where were you!
I needed you!
As my father before, you left me

You two never left me when I was a babe!
When I was trapped in that glass box
The entrappings of wires and needles
of life machines, and sterile rooms

But, you left me now.

"You only did it for MY attention"
You are MY mother, it is natural for me to want your attention!
You always make it about "you"

Well allow me to do so.

I am ashamed of you!
You make me tremble and sick
You make me weep and cut
You make me thick with strife
You make me hate this life.

Why are my parents so toxic!

One's a woman beater, the others suicidal
This is about you.

I look at you, my mother and all I see is what I must force my eyes to see
"Motherbear"
Reality has come forward.
Truth has come forward.

You are the reason I do not want to become a mother!
Could I bear to put my own flesh and blood through
The horror you slew all us three through.

Could I bring forth life, only to want to abandon it in death!
Blame it! Shame it! Damage it!

How can I look to you?
When all I see is a mother who makes me hate my skin
My poor siblings, the 3 crucified

You think you know me.
The amount of men I gave myself too
Drunk and drugged myself up
Sliced myself as if I were butchers meat!
All because my Father and Mother are toxic!!!!

My father left me in life
You wished to leave me in death.
Me, Pig, Abby.
Look at your children. For you do not know them at all.

For if you did, why are each and everyone of us shattered?
*****? abused? rejected? forlorn?

Broken.

When they find me, you will know I was never selfish
If you could leave me in death, so can I

And 30 years will have never been reached from 1993