it is difficult
to find the right words
when you don't want to be with somebody
and yet
when you envision them with another
your bones are rattled with urgency;
a feeling that occupies places in your body
you didn't know existed
the type of thing you can't seem to shake off
you feel it under your skin
and then, you are faced with two options:
do you send him away because you don't truly love him?
or do you become selfish
trailing him around like dead weight
knowing full well nothing will become of it
but wanting to drag it out for as long as possible
I looked you in the eye,
felt your hands linger around my neck
and knew in my heart I would only bring you pain as I have others
but foolishly I clung to you like you were gold,
not knowing that once you left
the fools gold I had mistaken you as
would turn out real, promising
now you and I(because there is no "us")
sit amongst mixed company,
you in the back of the blue kia,
I in the passengers
your eyes bore into the back of mine
I look out the window to drown you out
and as you notice my disengagement
you reach your hands to the back of my neck
wanting to make me better again
wanting me to save you from the grasp of my rigid behavior
but how the **** can I save you when you were the one who was going to save me?
don't touch my neck like you never left
don't touch my heart
don't make me shiver under your embrace
because it was you I had to myself
and it was you that I lost