i regret being alive
at seven every morning
on the dot, without a doubt,
when i know
i'm going to be
late for class,
with my english teacher,
who thinks i'm good for nothing;
and my mother
will get called to school,
if it happens
one more time,
and i'm not tired.
i simply want
to tear my hair out,
and
scream,
endlessly.
i regret being alive
when i wake
with a splitting headache,
the million alarms
still ringing
in my head,
all of which i turned off
so i could sleep
through them
without doing
my homework.
and i don't want to cry.
i just want to live in hawaii,
beside the beach,
like a hippie.
another day
of not raising my hand in class,
because i'm shy;
another day
of my grades
getting lower.
i feed the fish
we keep alive
to experiment on.
i see a friend
and we're laughing
in the library.
i water the plants
in our garden
for agriculture class.
sure, i'm tired,
but i'm kind of
happy.