you told me that i made everything feel okay.
you kissed my cheek gently as much as possible,
like when my parents turned away,
or when my friends were distracted,
or when we were sitting naked in the woods.
you never let a night pass without saying
"goodnight sleep tight i love you,”
even up until the night before you broke up with me.
you told me that you bragged to your friends
about how lucky you were to have me as a girlfriend.
you told me i had the prettiest eyes you had ever seen.
you always pulled me closer every time we were together.
like that one time in my foyer,
i walked away from you
and you reached out to grab me gently by the waist.
you wrapped your arms around me once i got close enough,
and spun me around with your hand cupping my face
just so you didn’t have to wait any longer to kiss me.
we started off just ******* but then you said you wanted to try dating.
you were the one who said "i love you" first.
well, first you said “i really REALLY like you”,
then you said “i almost love you”,
and then you said “I LOVE YOU”,
quickly followed by “i know it’s early,
but you’ve been putting up with my **** since january,
so i can say it”
you tried quitting cigarettes at least three times,
maybe because you knew i hated them,
maybe because you started to care about your health,
i never asked why.
you said that the struggle to get my parents to like you was worth it.
i sobbed when my dad told me he was disappointed in me for dating you,
i sobbed through three conversations with my mom about you,
and all for what?
you told me i made you want to sober up and settle down with me.
later you told me not really,
just that i made you want to stop doing hard drugs
like oxy.
you said you liked me because i was different.
you told me that we would have plenty of time together.
you told me you really
really
loved me.
but i forgot that
love is just an illusion.