I have lost the sight of your yawns as they lengthen into sleep,
the smell of your skin when it is clean but free from cologne has lost me,

I have forgotten what it feels like to kiss you and see galaxies,
or feel bursts of energy, warmth and tragedy all at once, every time,
I have lost the rush in my bones reminding me that you were mine.

I tried to recreate the constellations your freckles used to make,
but I laid awake and could not see a single star.

That thought used to make me cower, even in my sleep,
and wither in my hollowed wake, but today I do not ache,
not even for you.

A point came where I could not feel at all but pain
But now I do not hurt at all.
This feeling is unfamiliar.
Foreign winds have replaced old currents that settled in one path too strong, and left me cold,
but they are now gone.

I had forgotten what it felt like to not be petrified of apathy,
to not be scared of forgetting the first night you took my body,
believe me, I thought I would never breathe the feeling of discovery again
after months of trying to replace the rushing feeling of breath on my skin,

But I tried tonight to recall details of those encounters,
the ones where you took my soul and I was not sure if I would get it back,

and I could not bring life to any of the memories I one time
feared would never die,

I have waited for this day and now I can finally say it.
healing from heartbreak
is more of a purge, a surge of emotions you cannot differentiate from real or fake as they take over your body,
and there I was, losing it all at once,
and I was left open on a stranger's bed, begging for a minute where
you did not fill my head,
appeasing to God for a day in which my heart did not bend at the thought of never experiencing a rushing heartbeat
without having to take off my clothes
again.

I was willing to give up anything for goosebumps on my skin,
anything to remind me that I was a human,
without you.

But I did it and I want you to know that,
I hope one day you see it because I finally truly feel it.

I do not love you anymore.
or miss you anymore,
I do not think of you when I think of love or *** or adventure anymore,
I do not see you when I picture late July days and sandy toes and sweaty palms from holding on too long,

my heart is free for the taking and I want you to know that,
though you will not care or look for me somehow,
I do not want you back anymore and I wish you could see me now,