In last night’s episode, a feeling washed over me

Lonely and alone, I broke down

And within those few moments of emotional inertia

I wept for everything and everyone;

For Prince and Bowie and all the others

For the planet

For my loved ones

and all of their problems I can’t solve

But not for myself, I wouldn’t allow it

I deny myself everything I need;

A person to love and be loved by

A shoulder to cry on

Permission to be weak

Help when it’s needed

A part of me died

and I reflected on how trivial it is

always making things difficult for yourself

Questioned why my life is so hard

As if it’s all some joke everyone is in on

They’re laughing and rooting against me

while I fall back down each time I get back up

Does anyone understand what it’s like in my shoes?

How can they when I don’t let anyone in?

Hell, I don’t even understand my own weary soul

So star crossed and aimless

and pulled in every direction

Searching….searching….unable to find solace

Looking for home in people and places and things

Put a noose around my heart,

hung it for all to see

There is no love for one so smart and strong

There is no place for one so resistant to belong

There is no hope, or so it seems

Impatiently waiting for someone to prove me wrong

To cut these ties

To free me from myself

To make me feel alive

Because **** it, I’m just like a beautiful flower

I thrive in the right environment

I will flourish and bloom

and grow into the best version of myself

Stable, no insecurity

My fruits will nurture you in return

I will love you like you’ve never been loved before

Baby, the brightest diamonds and pearls are made over time

The future’s gonna be good to me

Chin up, buttercup -

with death comes new life