just want to live in a world

where we normalize loving yourself

where being kind to others is standard

where everyone does their shadow work

and realizes it's not all about them

where everyone finds their soulmate

their purpose

their calling

where poor health and disease is not the norm

and we are thriving as best versions of ourselves

call me a conspiracy theorist

call me an idealist

at least i dare to dream of something greater

it all begins with you...

"Break this curse on my love life!"

I exclaim to the universe

I blame the men

I blame the planets

I blame myself:

"What the hell is wrong with me?"

"Why am I not good enough?"

I call it bad timing, their loss

I am strong and smart and I'm getting by just fine on my own

Ignoring the love shaped hole in my heart

It's all just bad luck

Woe is me

When will I ever get a break?

I looked in the mirror today

Freshly clean after a ritual bath

Born anew after a lunar eclipse

I stared myself dead in the face and found gratitude

Gratitude for the love I do have in my life

Yet humbly seeking more

I said, "I would like more love in my life!"

"I welcome more love into my life!"

A message came back to me as I stared into my own soul:

"You are the one sabotaging your own love life"

Immediately I felt release

Release in the realization I am the one getting in the way of real intimate love

I named all of the things I need to change

Intuitively, I just knew

My heart is closed

I play games

I claim to be shy and awkward yet really, I always wait for the other to reveal their cards first

My signals are mixed; throat chakra blocked

Too afraid to go after the love I desire

Lesson after lesson, failing each test

Now I understand

There are no games in true love

There is no doubt in the world that yes, this is the person

This is organic chemistry

There is no fight, no going against wills

No question of mutual interest

No forcing something that isn't there

Simply all the right elements in the perfect combination, at the very right moment

Sparking, catalyzing

Grounded in reality

Finally, I understood

Finally, I broke the curse

At a crossroads again

Hecate incarnate

The goddess in me yearns for freedom

I choose a path leading away from what once was

I no longer fear any path is a wrong path

but the one leading to exactly where I need to be

For a time, I may walk alone

because there is such growth in solitude

If we meet along the way, I am grateful for your company

Life can get lonely at times

We can walk together, in a common direction

or we can go our separate ways once there is only room for one

I will not drag you with me if this is not where you are meant to go

But I will guide you to your own path to follow with love and encouragement

And if we meet again along the way, I hope you have grown

Maybe we can teach each other something new

Or maybe we will walk together, except on parallel paths

Together, yet separate

Headed in the same direction

With plenty of room to breathe

It's just nice knowing you're there

Yes, I think this is the way

Ask not why I'm not yet wed

but hope I am happy instead

Wish I may never blindly be led into a life of regretful dread

Celebrate self love is always enough

Know I am a true diamond in the rough

Behold, I am too strong, too bold

to settle for anything less than gold

In this day and age if you are different

If you have longer hair and brighter eyes

If you have learned the math of the universe and understand the way nature works

If you have mastered ways to make life bend to your will

If you know how to listen to the vibration of the earth and march to the beat of a different drummer

You are called a witch

And you are judged and persecuted not physically but emotionally

Women hate you and men fear you

Had you been alive centuries ago you would have been burned at the stake

The memory, the anger lives on

But there is no prouder legacy

O karmic master
Wisened by lifetimes
Sharpened by experience
I bow to thee
You, the mentor
I, demented
Do your dance, lure me in
Cast a spell
Penetrate me with cunning
Fill me with intellect
Take the reins
Show me the ropes
Maybe you can be the one
To tie me down
and teach me a lesson

A short poem of things said to me lately:
You look sad and tired
You're too young to not have energy
Why aren't you married?
Do you have kids?
What kind of men do you like? <lists races>
Don't wait for a good person, you'll be waiting forever
You're too pretty to be alone
Aren't you afraid?
You're so brave
Wait for the right one; don't settle
Thank you for your dedication
I hope your life gets better
It takes time
You're doing a great job, Victoria
Hang in there

Managed to **** a Scorpio with authority issues off during Mars retrograde
I am transforming into a boss *** *****
My fuse has been lit
There are mortars going off
It sounds like war all around me
How symbolic
How volatile
I worked a 13 hour day today to escape the battle going on in my head
I celebrate my own independence
I fought for the right to live my truth
I will not act small ever again
I will not dull myself so others may shine
I am a firework
I shoot for the stars
and burst and bloom into color and light

Landed on this lone star

Stranded in limbo among fellow lost souls

The sinners, rejects, and fallen angels

We are all in oblivion together

Here in this holding cell

Waiting for something

Don't know what it is or when

But it'll be better than this

Hoping salvation will come

Making the best out of the worst

We are glitches in time

Ghosts of future, brighter selves

Soon enough this will all be forgotten

We are just visiting

He wanted change

A catalyst

The empress to his emperor

Something to last through all of the seasons,

as reliable as mother nature

And then he met her

Pluto incarnate

The phoenix herself

In one karmic burst of light

she burned his life to ashes

& from this divine alchemy,

they birthed their own universe together

Love me for my melancholy

just as much as for my mind, my body

Love my reality just as much as the idea of me

Love me for all of the things I hide away

that no one else can see

Love me by just letting me be

Establishment

Society

Not given a choice

Sold a lie

****** in

Constant upward climb

Falling back down

No escape; in too deep

Yearning for freedom

To roam, to express, to create

Suppressing what feels natural

Such a pity

when child-like free-bird souls are caged

This is the real depression

Peel back the layers of my soul

One by one - slowly, tenderly

You will cry

Keep going - I promise it's worth it

The core is the most nourishing part

I'm not changing;

I'm simply becoming more myself

Find yourself in many reflections of me

We may not like what we see...

Get your **** together, you told me

Au contrare, my dear

Don't you know I am a work in progress?

That the greatest creations are pulled together

over pressure and time

and vibrant explosions of color and light

Heart over mind and honey,

you don't matter

I am made of stars and I shine too intensely bright

Get some sunglasses and go back to physics class...

You shine so bright, I could revolve around you

Two souls misunderstood

embrace for realization of common livelihood

Profound understanding of one another -

what more can you truly want in a lover?

So ends this arduous plight;

two wrongs really do make a right…

In last night’s episode, a feeling washed over me

Lonely and alone, I broke down

And within those few moments of emotional inertia

I wept for everything and everyone;

For Prince and Bowie and all the others

For the planet

For my loved ones

and all of their problems I can’t solve

But not for myself, I wouldn’t allow it

I deny myself everything I need;

A person to love and be loved by

A shoulder to cry on

Permission to be weak

Help when it’s needed

A part of me died

and I reflected on how trivial it is

always making things difficult for yourself

Questioned why my life is so hard

As if it’s all some joke everyone is in on

They’re laughing and rooting against me

while I fall back down each time I get back up

Does anyone understand what it’s like in my shoes?

How can they when I don’t let anyone in?

Hell, I don’t even understand my own weary soul

So star crossed and aimless

and pulled in every direction

Searching….searching….unable to find solace

Looking for home in people and places and things

Put a noose around my heart,

hung it for all to see

There is no love for one so smart and strong

There is no place for one so resistant to belong

There is no hope, or so it seems

Impatiently waiting for someone to prove me wrong

To cut these ties

To free me from myself

To make me feel alive

Because **** it, I’m just like a beautiful flower

I thrive in the right environment

I will flourish and bloom

and grow into the best version of myself

Stable, no insecurity

My fruits will nurture you in return

I will love you like you’ve never been loved before

Baby, the brightest diamonds and pearls are made over time

The future’s gonna be good to me

Chin up, buttercup -

with death comes new life

Sometimes you write about it

and the questions answer themselves...

i sit and i think

turning it over and over in my head

- this one thing rings true;

i'll never make you happy.

good luck finding someone perfect

because i don’t think anyone’s as perfect as you…

Capricorn the sea goat
Equal parts earth and water
Emotions rush over like waves;
quickly they consume like undertow,
dragged into depths of melancholy abyss
Determined, we persevere as if nothing is amiss
Climbing back atop the mountain in spite of such turmoil,
we bury our feelings in the cool dark soil
Though sometimes we get stuck in the mud
so we wait until it turns to clay
Aiming to build solid foundation without delay,
forming structure is our forte
We’re quite resourceful, I must say!
Sure, Saturn’s influence is rough;
repaying karmic debts can make life feel so fatalistic
It's why we can’t help being so tough;
these unexpressed emotions make us want to go ballistic...
Just always remember it’s all humbling at the end of the day
Such lessons are important for doing whatever we may
Really, we wouldn’t have it any other way

I have the tenacity of Aries, and always live in my head
with the insatiable appetites of Taurus; **** do I love bread
I behold the powers of Gemini to be another person instead
and I’m such a Cancer on those days I’d just rather stay at home in bed
I have the heart of the lion like a proud Leo; mess with my loved ones and you’ll surely be dead!
I can be anxious like a Virgo; disarray is something I quite dread
and like a Libra I’m a romantic; though from many a lover I have fled
I’m intense like a Scorpio, **** me off and lightly you must tread…
like a fiery Sagittarius, my passion for life, it burns red!
The sun was in Capricorn when I was born; the sign of a lone wolf, no more about that need be said
Progressive and free spirited like Aquarius, for this I refuse to ever wed
and I've been known to be sensitive like a Pisces; oh the tears I have shed…
Together these archetypes make up who I am, thread by thread…
I am the Zodiac, right down to every drop of blood bled.

Heard all the stories about you told
I hope I'm not being too bold
Inspired by your message I stand
I thought of this by your bedside, holding your hand:
Three years my junior you are wise beyond your years
from you I could learn to get past my fears
You'd say I have to reach my inner conscious
so I'd quit being so gosh **** obnoxious
We'd question things like the meaning of life
or why people endure so much strife
I ponder the truths we'd have found together
if you just braved that dreary weather
You're a true reminder of beauty and compassion
and girl, you can teach anyone a thing or two about fashion
Did I forget to mention we both write with our left hand
and that the ideals of a utopian society I too demand!…?
The forgotten artist within me you so graciously embrace
I can’t imagine having so much pain to face
A vision of us; painting, painting, painting
a picture of a world filled with love and no hating...
How could I not know we have so much in common!
Now, I can just see us bonding over a bowl or two of ramen...
(a favorite food, for which I hear we are both always in the mood!)
Yet you left us all in such a hurry
I’m blinded with tears... my eyes are so blurry
I’ll never know why we had this distance
and why being close was such a resistance
I can only blame my introversion
for making me treat you with aversion
Though you wouldn’t want me to live in regret -
forgiveness was never a thing you’d forget
I hope you’re at peace with the path you chose
this is why on your grave I left this rose
I’ll honor your memory and always be true
and I’ll do it always thinking of you