The doubt...it fills me to the brim with anxiety until it is too painful to bare.
The jealousy...its like trying to avoid breathing in smoke when your house is in flames and the windows are locked..suffocating.
The love...its like the pain you feel while having an asthma attack.. you cant breath the air you so desperately need and the harder you try the more your chest aches.. the more your world sways near destruction at the thought of never tasting the addictively sweet scented air. Its like I can almost see the end from this spot where i brace myself in your arms from whats to come. Its crazy..looking for protection in the arms of the enemy.
The shame and the guilt.. its like learning to hate myself all over again after having spent 4 ******* years just to be okay with being alive without that person whos name I still cant seem to say.. its like I want to scream "THIS IS YOUR FAULT!! SHE WILL BE THE DEATH OF ME BECAUSE YOU LET HER. YOU EVEN HELD HER WHILE SHE POINTED THE GUN RIGHT AT MY HEART THAT WAS MEANT ONLY FOR YOU " But I cant because I choke on the love that I have for you that was never my idea in the first place.
The end... its like going through hell all over again.. its like standing on the tracks knowing a train is on its way but I cant move because you told me if I really loved you I would stay forever. Even as the end is on its way.
He is going to cheat on me and there's nothing I can do about it. <\3