I envy you, You, who has their future all planned out between the pages of the calendar that’s been hanging on your wall since December 31st, changing every year with no delay because you already know all the important dates.
I envy you, You, who has a dream, the same dream you’ve had since childhood that’s changed or been tweaked maybe once or twice but that always becomes clearer.
I envy you, You, who understands yourself and who knows who ‘you’ are, who understands your passions and who knows what you want.
I envy you, You, who knows what happiness is like, and who has felt true sadness and despair only a handful of times, but who knows how to deal with it and knows why it comes by.
I envy you, While I sit here surrounded by my sadness, getting a glimpse of joy maybe once over the weekend and another if I wake up for sunrise.
While I sit here not knowing who ‘I’ am or what I love or the emotions I feel.
While I sit here without a dream in mind, without a goal that I can run toward Only sitting in a dark empty field with no calendar in sight because thinking about the days that pass makes me feel empty inside.
So instead I sit here on this bus full of people that feels so empty and bleak. While the fog from outside clings to the windows and blurs the thoughts in my mind, thinking about ‘you’ and my envy so green and so vast it could be mistaken for a meadow filled with grass.
I think about how I would trade my life for yours. But my mind disapproves because then I would be even less like the ‘me’ than I believe myself to be.
I know who I am because of the emptiness I have and for now it’s enough and that’s all I need.
So instead I will sit here and think of the many reasons why I envy you.
It's been a while since I've posted. Some parts of this poem I find a bit odd, constructive criticism is welcome.