she didn't look back to see the tears as they crawled
or my tired fingers that snapped with a click
she didn't look to see my trousers high rolled
or my cheeks turn pink especially the left that did twitch
but I wanted her to do it so that I would see her last look
needing to know her final description in our book
I needed to see the reality of how our radar gets shredded
and how she was holding that moment I dreaded
there were questions in my heart that one glance
should have answered like whether there would be another chance
I was sick watching her leave as I grieved
I tried so hard to disguise that I was weak from disbelief
was it all a lie, was that the sour taste that seasoned goodbye?
was the tree not deep enough in ground that it had to die
simply due to the drought of a few weeks doubt?
she didn't look back even when she reached the last bend
that would our visibility totally end
yet I still told myself she would, that we weren't done
as I sat down torn between running
after her or just looking on at a heart burn
with untold fires of rage, and murderous yearning
maybe I should have followed her and begged some more
but if a week wasn't enough to do it could a minute avert her 'No'?
it was a blunt knife plunged to the hilt into my flesh
and mercilessly twisted for me to have a maximum feel
it was spittle right onto my favourite dish when I've starved over a month
it was a cancer at it's last stages slowly eating me away
wanting to chew over and over the little flesh
left on my feeble bones to mere pulp
or a noose helplessly ******* out the little life left
and I wishing I didn't kick the support under my feet
beckoning someone to come to my rescue and cut the rope
but the gnawing tightness around my neck stealing my desperate cry
and even after that bend I still adorably saw her right there
I saw her close to me and I saw her everywhere
how could I not see her everywhere when for years
she was my pillar, my strength and palm that wiped my tears?
I fell back to the ground and looked straight to the afternoon sun
without blinking,all my existence in ecstasy
and in the nothingness I knew that was the last dot
of happiness in my lifetime I would ever see
And as I in vain implored myself to be strong
I only grew weaker wondering what really went wrong