I can't write out what I really mean to say All I can bring myself to do is cry and cry Until I am breathless.
And I am ashamed of what I have done I hold the most regret in my heart and feel the pain of my choice every single day
I wonder what you would look like And what you would laugh like And of what color your eyes and hair would be
And I just don't understand how I could ever be forgiven.
I wish so desperately I could go back and choose differently. I become so angry now when I hear women and men talk about abortion I want to scream and cry until I am drained. I hold my stomach and wish I hadn't been so selfish
I wish I could hold you, every minute, every day I wish I had you sleeping beside me with a sister you would have loved so dearly And she would have loved you more than anything. She would have protected you... Which is what I should have done.
It's been a year and a half. You would have been one soon. Maybe walking by now. I wonder if you still grew, with God up in heaven with all of the other millions of children who should have been here. I wonder if you can see me and my tears.
You still consume my thoughts As if you made your bed there and are forever sleeping..
I will never make peace with the decision I made.
This is not meant to be a poem. It is not meant to be "beautifully written". There is nothing beautiful about the regret that I carry. I went to church today and the priest talked of abortion. He said "People wonder where the scientists are who will find the cure for cancer.Β Β Where are the brilliant individuals who will create the cure for AIDS?Β Β And God looks upon us and says: I have sent them to you, but you erase them away".
Not a day goes by that I don't wish I could go back.