Love,

I don't know
If I want to lose
The ambition
That loneliness creates.

I'm so desperate
To be not alone
That I've begun work,
Real work
On building everything
I want.

But what for?

I want to
Share these wonders
That I make and see;
I want someone
To share something incredible
Right back at me.

I haven't been alone
Like this
For so long,
Not since I was first growing up.

Remember that?

When the first loves
Made it Oh so clear
That you had been
Missing out on
Something great,
Some kind of shared treasure?

You were addicted
To the discovery.

You spun a web
of adventures,
Seeking to capture
A spirit
Of similar wanderlust.

There were a grand
And storied few.

But I always faded
Inward,
Towards the less ambitious
And wholly, entirely
Too comfortable
Version of myself.

Whose failure was it?

Mine, probably always mine.
I chose so poorly
What to love in them
And what to be in me
And now,
Look at me.
Nothing's left
Except for...



...




... My ambitious need to build a palace for someone who may never arrive.


When they arrive,
Will I cease
All this work towards
Getting there?
Will I begin
To be lazy
Again?