Words can't describe what I'm feeling now I feel like I deserve pain I want to slam my head into a wall Hold my breath till I give in Drown myself in the hotel pool
It's New Years Eve so why do I feel like breaking down and crying?
My family's all here so I shouldn't feel lonely A new year is starting so I shouldn't feel like **** I feel like I don't matter I'm a nobody What would happen if I took my life tonight? Would 2016 miss me at all?
I wonder and I wonder About you About life About death About how much you mean to me About what I mean to you Do I really mean a whole lot? **** **** **** I need something to clear my head
I want things to change Not between us But I just want my feelings to change I don't want to feel lonely I don't want to feel depressed I want to feel like I matter again Not trapped inside a school of fish I feel like a tear drop in a vast ocean So if I go, what difference will it make?
Why the hell am I thinking this way? My life isn't ending And I'm not going to end it I'm shaking from my thoughts right now My mind is scaring me Why do you have to be so ******* perfect? I love you but I know it's not enough Nothing will make you mine She's yours and you're hers And I can't say a word about it Why the **** can't I just have you? I'd be the best friend, husband, father, soulmate that anyone could give I'd be the best for you And there wouldn't be a doubt in my mind about that I'd give you my heart, my soul, my being I'd give you my all, my everything If you could just be mine But I know that that option is out the window We've scrapped it, shredded it, thrown it in the fire Made a deal from a TV show that I know will never happen Just to give me the false security The false belief that I have a chance **** my life **** my feelings **** my mind **** **** ****
My eyes feel dry but I want them to be leaking I want my tears to stain the walls And the bed And the carpet And everything around me I want to drown in my tears Flood the world with my emotions No ark will be able to withstand this hurricane
This is the worst New Years I've ever experienced But I have a resolution: Be a better friend Become closer to you Stop the suffering Stop suffering Stop
Breath in...Breath out Everything will be okay Jack Kerouac has told me so These feelings will come and go And my happiness will grow and grow And my demeanor will surely show That I'm a warrior I've made it through the dark This black moment in my life This hell Soon there will be no more suffering But for now I Will Suffer