Dec 2015
I paid her a visit this morning. And she appeared cringed and curled in her dried tears.
How strong are the fears, a continuous replay of the terror can not bring closure.
She looks at me and envies what she sees, longs to have the joy that my heart beams.
How can someone have been soooooo lost, so gone into the frost...of self-despair and minor depression.
Never easing tension, that re-appears when the flood of memories take center action.
She appears unaware of my visit. Her little imagination, ruined and distorted seemed to be detached from her own self-created reality.
Maybe paying her a visit was not a good idea.
Perhaps seeing her scars...some healing pretty well, was not too great of an idea.
What else was I hoping to find in the life of a ******, battered and lost in the moment of fake love and imaginary fun.
Her friend once told me that during her darkest times, she buried herself in her journals.
I could believe that. No matter how hard, that is where her heart remained.
I paid her visit this morning. And found she no longer existed.
Her torn dress lay bare on the ***** floor and her shoes where not in sight, traces of her dull scent was no-longer lingering in the imprisoned mind.
She had fled. Left this prison for something more meaningful. She has ruled out rehearsing and cursing a past she can never change.
This morning, I paid Thandi a visit. The old me has turned into a vapor, lost in the ever blowing wind of humanity.
Her memory wall is smeared and ruined, blurred by the many encounters she endured.
This morning, during my visit I realised that that Thandi does not exist. She was once a loser lost in the wilderness.
For two or so years she was building the house that will eventually collapse on her.
For the longest time, she had never held a mirror to her face or even to her soul.
She had never known a real laugh, nor felt real emotions.
For all those days, she drowned and drowned and drowned until there was nothing to drown her. Instead her end killed her.
This morning I soared with the creatures of the air as I released that Thandi is no-more.
No-more around to taunt, terrorise and belittle me.
Torture, lie and even destroy me.
I paid a visit to an image of who I was, where I was and what I had become....and now, it nourishes me to know I am free.
How strong are the fears, a continuous replay of the terror can not bring closure.
She looks at me and envies what she sees, longs to have the joy that my heart beams.
How can someone have been soooooo lost, so gone into the frost...of self-despair and minor depression.
Never easing tension, that re-appears when the flood of memories take center action.
She appears unaware of my visit. Her little imagination, ruined and distorted seemed to be detached from her own self-created reality.
Maybe paying her a visit was not a good idea.
Perhaps seeing her scars...some healing pretty well, was not too great of an idea.
What else was I hoping to find in the life of a ******, battered and lost in the moment of fake love and imaginary fun.
Her friend once told me that during her darkest times, she buried herself in her journals.
I could believe that. No matter how hard, that is where her heart remained.
I paid her visit this morning. And found she no longer existed.
Her torn dress lay bare on the ***** floor and her shoes where not in sight, traces of her dull scent was no-longer lingering in the imprisoned mind.
She had fled. Left this prison for something more meaningful. She has ruled out rehearsing and cursing a past she can never change.
This morning, I paid Thandi a visit. The old me has turned into a vapor, lost in the ever blowing wind of humanity.
Her memory wall is smeared and ruined, blurred by the many encounters she endured.
This morning, during my visit I realised that that Thandi does not exist. She was once a loser lost in the wilderness.
For two or so years she was building the house that will eventually collapse on her.
For the longest time, she had never held a mirror to her face or even to her soul.
She had never known a real laugh, nor felt real emotions.
For all those days, she drowned and drowned and drowned until there was nothing to drown her. Instead her end killed her.
This morning I soared with the creatures of the air as I released that Thandi is no-more.
No-more around to taunt, terrorise and belittle me.
Torture, lie and even destroy me.
I paid a visit to an image of who I was, where I was and what I had become....and now, it nourishes me to know I am free.
