Innocent love.

That’s what I held in my heart for her.
My heart fluttered every time I saw her.
I remember the way her chocolate hair flowed in the wind, cascading across her shoulders.
I remember how she would do the most awkward things, how color filled her beautiful cheeks.
I remember the fireball she was, how endlessly loving and enthusiastic she was.

But I also remember how I noticed these things; sad things.
I remember how I could tell if her smile was fake by the twitch in the corner of her mouth.
I remember how my heart broke as I helplessly watched her deal anxiety.
I remember how she would always wear shorts that covered her thighs.
I remember how she would break down, how she would hate herself.
I remember the day that I told her about my suicide attempt and she told me about her’s.
I remember how I cried with her.
I remember letting her down, I remember picking her up.
I remember how we hugged that first time I saw her after she had gotten out of the hospital.
I remember how she was the only reason why I did not **** myself.
I hope I was her reason.

The thing is, I have only known this woman for a year but I want to truly get to know her.
I want to learn her pet peeves, I want her to tell me her life story and rant about it.
I want to help her. I want her to truly believe and know that I couldn't imagine the world without her.
I want her to know these emotions and thoughts that I can’t put into words.
I could think for hours and not find out the right mixture of 26 letters to express how important she is to me.
I won’t ever be able to understand how such an amazing person could hate herself and want to end her life.
I want to be there for her, to break any of those lies.

Because I’m in love with her.
I’m in love with her personality, her scars, and who she is.
I wouldn't change a thing on that astounding woman.

I am innocently in love with her. I want to fall asleep beside her, to brush the strands of deep brown hair out of her eyes.
I want her to feel loved.
I want to be the one that fixes the future and puts a peace of mind on the past.
I want to be her first love.

I love her.
I love the way her eyes have so much depth.
I love the choker that wraps around the base of her tanned neck.
I love her true smile, how it perfectly fits in her complexion.
I love her figure, regardless of society’s standards.
I love the little bows she expertly weaves into her hair.
I love the way she can make anyone smile.
I love her naturally weird nature, how she isn't afraid to be herself.
I love her story, how it proves how strong and amazing she really is.
I want to brush my hand across her cheek and kiss her.
I want to make up for all the times she felt worthless.
I need to make her realize how much better she is compared to these illnesses.
    
I want to make her feel wanted.
    
I want to be her first love.