septemeber 2014 i told my dad i didnt want to be alive anymore in our kitchen, we sat on the floor, he held me and through his tears he told me he never wants to lose me i think about this all the time october 2014 my 2 year old brother saw my cuts and scars he brings me bandaids all the time novemeber 2014 my mom walked in on my 6th suicide attempt we stayed up all night driving around, talking about how much i wanted to end my life she asks me every day how i'm feeling now december 2014 my step dad found sleeping pills i had been purchasing and saving for 6 weeks he didnt cry when his only son was born but he couldnt even breathe when he found my pills and confronted me about it janurary 2015 my step mom drove my to the er when she found my almost dead in the shower she didnt sleep for 3 days while she and my mom stayed at the hospital with me feburary 2015 my mom found my journal of suicide notes there was over 100 notes march 2015 my grandparents began noticing how bad i was getting my grandmother stayed at our house during march break with me april 2015 i saw my favourite band who has helped me through a lot of tough times i got their lyrics on my body forever to remind me that i'm not my illness may 2015 my bestfriend and i made a promise to each other to remain self harm free we promised to help eachother get through our illnesses june 2015 she was in the hospital for trying to **** herself i knew i had to stay strong for the both of us july 2015 i started to work on myself i started to notice the beauty in things again i forgot how much i loved the rain how much i loved flowers how much i cared about nature and the planet i forgot how much i loved life august 2015 i started to plan for the future i started thinking about 10 years down the road september 2015 i'm not where i want to be yet, but im so proud of how far i've come im proud of myself