I am a trying to fight myself,
someone who just wants to be right,
but is always wrong,
and what I know,
and what I feel,
are conflicting things,

Because I know how he cares for me,
But I still feel ***** with him,
I still want the boy who ***** me,
to ******* call me,
Like I've been waiting for,
for over a year,

But I love this boy who treats me well,
but I feel like I can't really,
love him,
Like I can't love anyone,
because someone went and ****** me when I really didn't want to,
and they called that love too,

so what the **** do I know about love,
because i've been so blind to it all,
Love from me since the **** has just been appreciations like friends,
and I am sorry that I have hurt you like a boy hurt me sweetie,
but I can't be loved,
and I don't want you to waste your time trying,

so maybe its best if we part ways,
because everyday I feel as if i'm holding you back,
because I am afraid for anymore impact,
because I just want my life back the way it was,
before I knew what **** and abuse was,
before my PTSD unlocked all the secrets from me.

having PTSD showed me,
No sweetie making love to boys,
isn't going to make you happy,
so I can't love someone else even if I willingly want to,
Because is it fair to any boy to be loving me and have me start crying,
because I feel like there the boy who ***** me,

but I know the boy who ***** me is bad,
but I feel like he is the only one who could love,
a mess like me,
because he made the mess,

I just want to feel safe around all guys,
I just want to feel loved,
And my mind and heart,
are a battleground over what I am supposed to do,
because it's hard to move on just a little over a year after you learned,

the boy you loved who you dumped ***** you,
and how your breakup had nothing to do with the ****,
and how that makes everything harder and complicated to get,
and you just are always upset because he still never called,
and you really want that phone call,
so you can say you're sorry,

because you just want to be happy,
because even though things with him were bad,
you were happy,
and you want that back,
instead of crying over the bad thing that happened in the past,
you just want something good again.