Things I would never tell you
This morning
I dreamt of defeating my own demons
Instead of looking for yours…
I spent time
Losing myself in a swish of color
To paint a safe haven I will never have…
I walked and walked
Until there were blisters on my heels,
Just so I could distract myself from this numbness
I know as sadness…
I burned my skin in the shower
Until it was red and blotchy,
Hoping to wash off that numbness…
I thought about
Leaving the unwashed conditioner in my hair
So that maybe it would dull my thoughts…
If you asked me about my day,
These are the things that I would
Never tell you.