I have learned
Disturbingly
To settle into fear, like an old house settles on its foundation
Sinking by the year.
It used to rise me-
It used to pick me up and batter me
Like the surf batters stones on the ocean floor
Tossing them and beating them upon the rocks.
Now, like an anchor or a shipwreck I...
Settle.
I stay, hard and heavy and dark
Pinned in place and dully aware
Dully waiting--
For a storm to send down debris,
Or the sun to lance through the waves and touch my cold face.
I settle.
I am here, in fear,
I am here
And I am tired
And I refuse to use my strength to struggle in my nets.
Instead, I sleep. I wait. I
Settle.