it’s hard to explain
to your innocent mind
why even when I’m happy
I can’t be fine

you see the happiness you bring me
the joy and the laughter
it all reminds me of the past
of my happily never after

when I feel inside me a ray of light
seeping through my anxiety and fear
I crawl right back into my dark mind
and pretend like I don’t feel him near

for the only bliss I’ve ever felt before this
was in his arms and in his bed
every reminder of those feelings I once had
makes me wish I were dead

so thank you for the good you’ve brought me
for being wonderful, kind and lovely
I don’t know how to explain it to you
but truly, I’d rather not be happy

for I know how to be sad and angry and dismayed
how to have no hope or expectations
what I truly do not know, yet
is how to be happy without fearful anticipations