you scare me,
with the way that you say you love me.
you shake my bones til their own souls rattle ,
each time you call me yours.
you put my stomach in knots so ******* tight,
when you whisper sweet liquor soliloquies to me under the newborn sun.

why am i so terrified,
by the way you love me?
for you don't hit, scream, or manipulate,
you only have ever shown me roses even when i deserved weeds.

just the idea of someone loving me as much as you say you do makes my entire body quake.
i hear your quiet sighs when i flinch as your hand skims mine trying to intertwine them.
and at night when you hear my seismic tears hit the pillow with the faintest thuds,
you always ask whats a matter but i fall silent each time.
each time.
each time
i am so ******* weak i cannot even orchestrate the possibilities of words worthy enough to bring to light the hell that dreams behind my lips and the nuclear war in my head.  
i see them,
i see them,
i see them,
the hungry protectors and warriors of my mind own battle
they hit the ground with the force of cruise liner,
i see them drowning in my cerebral cortex,
and then i see you.
and i wonder how you got in,
why you even wanted to exist in the shitstorm of a brain like mine.
maybe i started this war,
just because I'm too weak to let the gold of another mingle with my pennies.
and it is such a ******* shame that i hate myself too much to let you end the war in my head,
and it is such a ******* shame that i hate myself too much to let you drown the hell behind my lips.