it was not my intention
you left me ignored
it was not my suggestion
i gave you what you wanted
i didnt want to do it
i told you i didnt
i dont want to go a day
with us having nothing to say
but you are my queen,
so we spent hours
we stop looking, yet we are seen
like we dont know each other

I crave your soft caress--
Outlining the valleys and hills
       on my supple skin.

I crave your hands and fingertips--
Intertwined in mine.

I crave your kisses--
You give upon my forehead,
when I'm half asleep in a dream of you.

I crave your breath--
As you breathe in mine.

There comes a time when
you can't carry on any
longer. I love you.

Eat baby, please
It’s killing me to watch
While you wither away to nothing
It’s killing me
But you need to know
It’s also killing you
I know the way that full plate
Heaves its weight onto your shoulders
I remember the way you looked down at it
As if you would fall in
And drown in the numbers
I know that you pretend
You’re stomach doesn’t pinch
Or stab you with the hunger
But I see the way
You sit hunched over
Trying to shrink into yourself
Forever trying to make yourself smaller
As if the hunger isn’t
Enough
I know you long for bones
To be the only things
Distending from your skin
But darling
You’re forgetting
That your worth,
Your value
Does not rest in a number
Whether it’s on the back of a box
Or a creaky bathroom scale
You’re forgetting that
Bones are brittle
They break, love
They break
How will I hold you
When my touch could splinter you
When I could snap you in half
How will I shelter you
When that voice festers inside your head
And it rots your thoughts
Your innocent thoughts
Sweetheart, you’re forgetting,
Pushing food around a plate
Won’t give you dignity
And that voice
That voice inside your head
Does not define you
Do you see your eyes, love
When you look in the mirror
Can’t you see the light is gone
From those beautiful eyes of yours
Or do you only see
Failure and flesh
Clinging to your body
Holding on for dear life
As you try so urgently
To shed it from your skin
Please,
Let me remind you
That it’s okay darling
Go ahead,
Pick up that fork
It’s okay
I promise
Trust me when I say
I know
I know it’s hard
I know it hurts
I know it’s not just chewing
That causes you misery
I know that it feels like cotton
Whenever you try to swallow
I know that it’s like a rock, that food
Stubborn as it sits in your stomach
I know it hurts
I know
Just let me remind you
Let me remind you
That its okay, love
To feel
Full

Maybe I am still terrified of what our love can bring,
of who we can hurt,
of who we can lose,
of who will be our barricades,
and of who will bring us down.
Maybe I am still scared.

Oh, so I was pretty?
Or is this all because of pity?
I was a strong lady?
You're telling them I was dainty?

Tell them I will be remembered
Tell them you didn't get into my head
Tell everyone we were friends
Tell everyone everything false

Oh, so I was beautiful?
I was one of the people who made you whole?
Sweetie, that's alright
I just died. You don't have to lie.

They don't understand, do they?
That all the lies they say
when they tell you everything will be okay
will never be enough to make you stay

They call your name
like nothing has happened
like everything stayed the same
like nothing really ended

All the voices in your head
can make you listen more than to what the people say
but you know how this shall end;
one more cut and then it bled

Is it the light reaching out to you
Or sunshine coming out for you
Another morning,
another suffering

But all you remember was how haunting
the lullaby that sang while you were sleeping