it hurts
    to know
that you 




                 will never 
                       look at me
                 the way
                     i look at 
                               you

i think i see you in my nightmares. my therapist says i am insane. i say it is the heartache.

for once i wish to forget what it feels like to be forgotten, even if it means forgetting you. i wish i hated you while you loved me, so then i will know how it feels to be forgotten by me like i have been forgotten by you.

i scatter myself into piece like broken mirrors at my feet because it is better to be broken than to let them see me bleed. i tape myself back together and hope that they will never know what i have done.

i want to rip out my ******* hair because you are the reason i can’t breathe but you are also my air.

i hope you drown, sink to the ocean floor and let the fish swim among your bones.

it doesn’t matter if you stay or go. i promise this, i will still see you in my nightmares.

people write poems
about subjects
such as him.

with painted nails,
glittering eyes,
polished skin,

he is like poetry
about women
with lipstick
the color
of sin.

and as he drinks
his wine, they
will sit and write
poems about
subjects such
as him.

You were blonde-haired and blue-eyed
I came to know this was what poison disguised itself as
Made up of a million broken pieces
And I swear to god you reduced everything else to a blur...
To absolute irrelevance.

You met my stormy skies and turned the greys into blues
And brought my racing thoughts to a crawl
Turned muffled cries into symphonies and shined the sun onto everything I did...
Everything I saw.

But in this stillness you silently disappeared
And my skies went from blue to wine-stained and the sand on my beaches turned to cigarette ash
You took the heart you created and the soul you introduced me to...
And left.

But I promise, had the poison not already killed me
I'd gather the ashes you shattered me into
And spend forever getting back to you for *one
Last
Sip.

if he is such an angel
then why do i see him
in my nightmares?

i know he rules over
sweet dreams and
fantasies, but he is
not in my dreams.
only in my memories.

so the moon rises
another night,
and i say to him,
hello there,
the angel from
my nightmares.

I hope you can't hear my breathing,
Because the lies I've told are unsheathing.

And I walked through Hell and back for you,
But I suppose you wouldn't know that...
...Would you?