the back of my hand
is so unfamiliar
compared to the
brown
of your eyes,
the stray hairs
on your chest,
the pace
of your breathing,
so unfamiliar
compared to
*you.

if you were wondering
i'm doing much better, baby
only every second thought
is about you now

god please just come back come
back. i am ripped apart and
shredded into the tiniest pieces
and scattered on the floor. they are
so small that I don't think anyone
would be able to pick them up
even if they wanted to. I swear I
haven't slept a full night since
my fingers weren't allowed to
have yours anymore and I want
your words to be meant for me
again. when do I get to call you
mine and know you aren't going
anywhere? I don't know how to
hold all the aching in my chest
and not have it spill out of my
mouth every time you're around.
I miss your knees and your movie
collection and the way you said
my name so that it sounded like a
promise. you were always enough.

I AM SO ANGRY
WITH YOU
AND WITH ME
AND IT FEELS ALMOST AS THOUGH
YOU LEFT YOUR HANDS
IN MY CHEST WHEN YOU
REACHED IN
TO STEAL MY HEART
AND NOW THEY'RE ACHING
TO BE FREED
AND I CAN FEEL THEM CLAWING
INSIDE OF ME
AND I CAN FEEL THEM
REACHING UP MY THROAT
SUFFOCATING ME
REMINDING ME
THAT YOU'RE NOT HERE ANYMORE
THAT YOU WERE NEVER HERE
TO BEGIN WITH

there's 20 miles
my shattered heart
her lips
and silence
between us