wishing for the buzz of bees
when little feet walk over me
******* blood and leaving dust
how long have I been waiting?

sleeping on the couch
getting kicked out for subtle comforts
the stench of liberation
boiling in my veins
spilling over
the mess is a distraction
creating distractions
reminds me of lost passions

passing ions
all infinite
am I infinite?
coarse
of course
it's a new course!
learning has taught me
that the more you know
the less you want to
and the less I want to
the more I want to
dichotomy of the ever-bingeing
morning-cringing
woman you want to ****
and she wants to ****
and she wants to hide

deception of pride!

I still walk with my head up
lips curled, up
survived last night
no throw up
just throwing up hands
one with a drink
always another one

talking too loud about illegal things

looking in the mirror
to meet a new person
over time my wounds
have begun to emerge
the healing soon shifts
from unachievable in my mind
to unraveling within my heart
today is made of all my choices
so here I let my feelings unfold
stretching within me is a release
bones popping
pain breaking
the sound of an apartment door slamming
I'm tuned back in to the sounds of music
bones popping
pain breaking
and I am through with the silence
radiating rather than retaining
I speak no more
yet I still make sound

a slave
he says
so brave
then he ends
with a thrash of his teeth
saying, "just ask me please!"

is it a crime for me to want these things
that cannot be seen?

holding on for better days
leaving the ones that left me dazed
thoughts that blurred
leave me amazed

broken
always broken
patterns which remained
the same

my heart wont part
or gush or beat
connecting is all to do
it seems

I have a persistent existence

there are echoes in his shadowed clouds
thunder and rain drops falling from the sky
he says he loves me
but I dare not ask why

I share my dreams
so detailed it seems

they're made up things

he has seen me lie
so I tell the truth

until it echoes
   e c h  o   e   s
like how my eyelids open

to the sound of thunder
to the sounds of my mistakes

he shakes the wake of my existence
holds no pride in his resistance

teaches me to be true
in all that I do

even when

staying up late nights
I explain to him what it is I write
regretting nothing
forgiving fights

the words mean more than nothing
because
the confusion of our illusions
that we can't believe in
drop like rain
they drop like rain

singing pain in the untold thoughts
that mean more
than the washed up shore
that had tidal waves
(untold graves)  
seashells sea ringing
(the hells are singing)

so don't stop bringing
your music, your art
the love we have
not yet torn apart

keep playing
keep singing
love bringing

your heart
creates art

If ignorance is bliss,
then I am the sunshine
of a spotless mind.

If self-deception is peace,
then you are the moon
to my bare earth.

If a lie is the truth,
then we are the glimmer,
in the eyes of the blind.

If your love was wrong,
then I thank you
for ever making it feel so right.