Submit your work, meet writers and drop the ads. Become a member
Pen Lux Sep 7
The words beyond me
are very well known.
Despite the lack
of presence shown.
It's taken time, and
pain, and sorrow,
to find myself growing,
no longer dreading tomorrow.
Inside of me
resides a feast of
Love, and Pain,
and so much Trauma.
Yes, it's been stewing.
I'm no longer brewing.
I've long awaited
for the calm,
To be able to say:
the storm I became has abated.
No longer jaded
As words bloom
because they're releasing meaning.
I'm no longer full of hatred.
No longer fearing to be hated.
For the poison I gathered
wasn't only me who it effected
and left tattered, shattered, and confused.
During my drinking I wasn't the only one abused,
or misused.
My heart couldn't take the pain
of what broken pieces left remained.
I was never taught, skilled or trained
to deal with life beside
intentions that truly mattered.
Broken ribs, contusion contained chest,
small *******, big brained, lungs stained,
soul shaking, adventure-seeking fearful heart,
child with no father, no mother, no sister or brother.
Afraid to speak because she's said too much, a crutch.
Crutch upon the Devil's flame. Crutch upon his name.
All that I distained became all that I obtained.
Creation is a work of art if it comes from within the heart.
Yet with a heart full of poison, hellbent on consumption,
feeling empowered by destruction, self-hating coward,
shallow affections that were showered.
As I am
no longer drinking myself downward
and see myself moving forward I've
found that everything matters
Nothing lost it's meaning as I felt that
I could remain strong against others,
while at the same time self-defeating.
No longer holding onto pain.
I've begun to release
There's no mercy left for being shattered.
No more shattering, slashing, smashing,
self-hating suicidal tendencies or fantasies.
No, I am not healed fully.
No, I am not all knowing.
No, I am not perfect.
No, I am not giving up.
No, I am not going backwards
for sifting through the memories.
I must sift through to lift through
this heaviness.
I must walk this steep mountain
that seemingly leads
as far away as
to the birth of our galaxies.
Full of lessons unknown
I must create and be shown.
I must abstain from the comforts created within my pain.
Yes, I will open my heart once again
and I will not turn away when the reality hurts
just as much as I'm about to explain.

Pros come and go. I want for them to stay.
Not in my mind, but on the page anyway.
Dec 2022 · 108
Pen Lux Dec 2022
the bark
in my peeling
is revealing
what I'd rather hide

what's inside?
something sweet
yet not a bite

what's in your mind?
held in your mouth
please spell it out

share with your lips
not just in a kiss
what's in your heart
as I tear apart
my present from my past
to move forward at last

I have come to you
and long
to take you
caress you
undress you from within
and return you to my heart
Sep 2022 · 98
burnt out on titles
Pen Lux Sep 2022
Here I am
made of lumber
splinters are my skin
burns and cuts of summer days
paint peeling in the grass
wasps bites and termites
as I wither, swell and ache
bones that burst
when lightning strikes
my eyes are bluer still
I pierce the flood
of phoenix tears
as green turns grey
not fit for lungs
or meant to breathe
when holding comes easy
and heartbeats tatter at an acres pace
one after the other after the other
until my home is not my own
the streets no longer paved with pain
the torture leather, silver spared
on a platter, love prepared
a forest for a mother
a sun for a father
and a son to love me like none other
Aug 2022 · 117
Pen Lux Aug 2022
today there is time
a handful of options to choose from.
this restlessness has been dissolved
with people that help me to rest
so that this forgetfulness processed.

I found myself chugging down opinions
from people who speak with broken teeth,
finding clarity through curled toes in washed clothes,
roughed up shoes, and coconut stains.
june 2012
Aug 2022 · 115
July 2012
Pen Lux Aug 2022
tough break, my love
you can't shake my love.
I've awoken to hot rain
skin humid
eyes tired
wanting to see you.

I'm growing, my love
I can't stop, my love.
Aug 2022 · 110
Feb 2013
Pen Lux Aug 2022
the first time in a month, I see you
and my heart collapses upon itself
a million times over.
what a wonderful experience, to be
tortured with love so timid it doesn't
recognize itself
Aug 2022 · 72
dec 2014
Pen Lux Aug 2022
I dreamt I wrote a poem
instead, I woke to ***** dishes
homework, missing you, and
avoiding spliffs. I hold my coffee
tight, **** in my bloated belly,
and squeeze into jeans so I don't freeze
Pen Lux Aug 2022
I live in California
but I'm afraid of the ocean,
I live in the mountains,
surfing the web,
spinning my webs,
catching flies,
discover lies,
say goodbyes.

sorry that I mislead you,
misread you.
Aug 2022 · 72
sep. 2014 droughts
Pen Lux Aug 2022
so much time

blades of bright green
cutting deep
dried up
into soft browns

the sky ceased to weep
a world of sun
it's the children who are crying
Aug 2022 · 65
2014 draft reopening
Pen Lux Aug 2022
good morning rain fall
no tears in this revelation
everything is soaked
life overflowing
pouring morning
take a drink of the dwindling spark
the King will be sacrificed
Aug 2022 · 56
2015 drafts 1.4
Pen Lux Aug 2022
loosely gripped
onto plump lips
my pen shifts
supple movement
keeps me in the flow
as I shift from green stones
to the ocean: white and blue!

breaking down isn't an option
meditation and intention
spreading my wings with direction
Aug 2022 · 40
2015 drafts 1.3
Pen Lux Aug 2022
In this moment
a p a r t
from      y o u
My insides turn
heart compiling
filing and sorting
every other moment
when wearetogether
forever better?
heating weather
beaten leather
never cheddar
fallen feathers never made such loud a sound
as when I found you bound and turned around
your remnants scattered and littered the ground
which I had called home
Aug 2022 · 303
2015 drafts 1.2
Pen Lux Aug 2022
unsure and unfit
for love
doesn't sit comfortably
beside me

confidence deteriorating
burning core // frozen surface
tilted slightly and not at all perfect
Aug 2022 · 50
crushin' in
Pen Lux Aug 2022
I don't want anything.

I'm happy with what I've got.

staying put in places where I have opportunities to better myself
finding that life is a bore and I am a prisoner to it
coming and going from place to place with pure intention to bring something to the table.

here we are folks, in the best **** place you could ever find yourself
with everything you've ever wanted and more.
let's get moving
time doesn't wait
it simply wastes.
so listen with an open mind while you're in the audience
'cause that's your job.
perform with gusto and passion,
you don't want to disappoint.
Aug 2022 · 42
2015 drafts 1.1
Pen Lux Aug 2022
keeping together through poetry
not running, but walking, home
the Fall is not so much as a leap
as a gentle floating from Summer
the Heat searing shut wounds
from the bitter chill of
Winter's thrusts,
broken trusts,
tucked guts,
now spreading out in gusts
of feeling in the wind,
the chill of Winter
returning, in tickles
down my spine, my sides,
curling, I twist, and hide.
Aug 2022 · 53
drinks on nights alone
Pen Lux Aug 2022
maybe I did
                      all the things
that I shouldn't
maybe I have
that send beams
of light c a  s  t i  n  g
            s h a d o w s

or was it my shadow casting me?

I don't think it was all a dream
Aug 2022 · 52
Pen Lux Aug 2022
hour by hour
soaking in the time
no more numbing my reality
step by step
the adventure begins
my journey brings me delight
Aug 2022 · 42
simply science
Pen Lux Aug 2022
Is it strange to want to be alone?
to feel so small at home?
to be half alive and soak into your soul?

I've seen myself a million ways
and spent so many more.
I'm so tired of all my thrills being
the completion of another chore.

Yes, I rhyme these days it's true.
Because I've found distraction, and
it might be you. Something pure,
there is no cure. There is a day
I know I will show you.
Let's call it my "day to prove".

The day you learn
all my poetry
has been written for you.
heavy minded
Aug 2022 · 34
turning tides
Pen Lux Aug 2022
I want to serenade you in my marinade
until you're good and hot
but this fever dream you're lost in
has everything I don't want
I tell you that I miss you
but it seems that you've forgot
the distance between us doesn't matter
when it's true love that we've got

you tell me that you're broken
and then you leave me bruised
I know your pain is important
yet you need to understand that
it is no excuse

to get lost in feelings is something
that I know too well
I'm here to remind you that you're stronger
than your demons spell
in you turmoil I will not faulter
and you must do the same
I will always be here for you
in your vulnerability there is no shame

I've been around the block and back
and seen these men play their tricks
children in their minds
only thinking with their *****
I am full of power,
strength you've yet to see
so when you say you love me,
it's not easy to believe

Trust is not a given
it's earned as well as shared
little things you do can build
or simply leave me teared
so if you want to hold me
and keep me in your heart
then don't go sneaking playing games
or you'll break what we have apart

when all we have are words
to express the way in which we feel
the silence can be deafening
when I know you're not being real

All I have is what I am
and what I give to myself
I will share with you each part of me
until I've given my whole self
but with word you leave unspoken
I feel I fall apart
tattered are my pieces
yet still a work of art
be careful of the things you hide
beneath my translucent heart
I can see straight through the *******
and I will have no part!
Dec 2020 · 101
Pen Lux Dec 2020
I was bored and lonely
wanted to be like everyone else
be liked by people
love and be loved
**** and get ******

something about getting kicked out of the house
really brings a new meaning to the term
sleeping on the streets
it's not so easy to forgive
the people
who gave you so many chances
the people
who had finally had enough
I know I know
I left because I felt like I needed to truly experience
the worst of the worst to then be able to truly experience
the best of the BEST
"the world is my oyster," I think is how the saying goes?
well ****, I've never even seen an oyster
and I hate the smell of the ocean
(I mean really people? you like that?)

I have learned that if you plant a seed, it will grow
seeds as in vegetables
but also seeds as in
metaphorical seeds
the seed that I had planted in my mind
and committed to was for
truly understanding what my favorite writers had gone through
and talked about in their works.
I felt that if I experienced it,
then perhaps I could understand,

I have felt what it is like to be
more empty than empty.
the words broken and shattered
couldn't even come close enough to reach my shadow.
there were no words to describe
what I was going through at the time.
I was too busy dying
to write.
Now, I'm getting busy living
to write.
Now, I must write.

I had my hurrahs and my hooray's
but it's back to the pages and the books
and the games
and the food
and bringing myself home.
To the place I can call home.
where I can create.

Back to the poetry,
as I back away from my demons.

you know they call it spirit for a reason?
you know they call them spirits for a reason?

the drinking
the drugs
the cigarettes
the lovers
lost friends
cold nights
hard nights
frightened yet still

It takes time to  
come back to
                               after trying to lose
(and most of the time succeeding)

I've done a 180.
Never want to leave.

I'm home.
Feb 2019 · 614
rain running
Pen Lux Feb 2019
I've been talking to my therapist
he wants me to write up a list
of all things that bring
the adult and child out of me

Although it seems that I can't bring
any side or part of me
that makes me seem less broken
so on the words I keep on choking

a flow of rain the sunshine brings
the thinking, screaming, sadness
my best friend’s dead
and all I want
is to see his face again

sing on the floor
just once more
out of tune

I miss my friend
thought we would sing 'till the end


I take care of my mother
try to help her
she won't change


I miss my best friend
oh honeybeeeeeee


I stopped drinking
gave my time to overthinking
working all day
trying to sleep off the pain
at night

I try
to move past and forward
learn a new song
but I can't help but wonder

where would I be if I could just move forward
faster faster faster
I guess I should slow down
move to a town? nope not gonna happen
I fasten
into my own life
try not to strive for more than I can follow

I'm faster
to let myself slow down

I miss my bestfriend
but my feet still touch the ground

I've found
I wont let myself drowned
this time
this time I wont hide

'cause the moments I have
don't have time for pride
deep inside
I find
that if I move faster
then I'll run out of time
Feb 2019 · 384
Pen Lux Feb 2019
fantasies of self harm
the thoughts I usually lure away
began to fester inside my brain
reliving pain in spirals
imagination running wild

demons whisper
with poison lips
begging me for just one kiss
giving me reasons
reading the list
of all the moments I might miss

the voices came in screams today
knocking and raging
my cage might break

I tried to calm myself today
let the demons have their say
then move on in my own way

I did this time
in five ways right
to this healing
I hold fast and tight
Pen Lux Jan 2019
I sit here and listen
to hearts unfold
as the two men before me
explain stories untold…

Chords in their palms
hearts singing their songs.
The pain of the past, the future,
and all that is left
is the mystery
of what might be here.

I hear them playing
no tip toeing around
as they reverberate sound.

love binding two souls.

Who could have known
that without experience,
resounds dissonasse?

Misunderstanding in the time that has passed.

Who said that it only takes a moment
to forget
and remove the past?

or strange creatures?

Our friends are our preachers!

Sharing what is inside
no pride
just feelings we express,
because it is too hard to let them fester.

Experiencing this weather
inside this house.
Pounding and beating
water we felt retreating
year after year
we felt dry inside
and outside
all together.

Another day to reject neglect
and stand beside those who we wish to protect.
Projecting a sound that can last a life time.

Forgetting all reason
giving in
to the rhyme.
Apr 2018 · 279
Pen Lux Apr 2018
Stumbling through the streets
I say, "yes, thank you and more, please,"
Until I'm home.
Don't want to be alone
With this pain I own
Yet here I am
And so it will be
Apr 2018 · 251
the last of love
Pen Lux Apr 2018
I love you to death
And so I depart
Shattered heart
I'm sick of sorry
Being torn apart

I believe in my dreaming
Where I see you depart
Jealousy ringing
I give you what's left of me
On the corner of the street

I hope you will see me
Apr 2018 · 301
my body
Pen Lux Apr 2018
***** ashes
In a pile of roses
I am falling
Twisting and turning
Yearning for affection
While whispering that I want to be alone
Not sure which to hone
I'm trying to remember words
That make me feel at home
Although I forget
I will not regret
Time spent thinking
Apr 2018 · 218
the shades of my days
Pen Lux Apr 2018
the sin in me is as bright as the sun
shrouded in clouds
as I'm crowded with doubts
if I can change,
and if I do,
who will I be?
all I can hope is for my sensitivity
to project in more positive ways
leaving me less empty
in my darkened haze

this depression is a lesson
I'm guessing from the guilt
of all the things I said and did
while running from myself

perhaps I never really left
when I was trying to disappear
instead just rumbled and rearranged
my darkest parts, they took the stage

today I feel very much different
it's just the beginning
but at least it's a start

I'm tired of being dramatic
focusing on what doesn't matter
will never set me free
looking inward instead of forward
because beauty dwells far too deep
for me and my **** mindset
the regret that holds me down
I want to look in the mirror
and be proud with what I've found

A reflection of comfort
and a humming birds sound
Apr 2018 · 177
nightmares again
Pen Lux Apr 2018
My inspiration has been on vacation,
broken heart stole my aspirations.

Anything better than this.
Is there?
Anything better than this.
Pen Lux Jan 2018
Coffee, Cigarettes,
freeways and bees
Sitting outside
beneath the trees
All sun
No breeze
Still thinking that my heart
might freeze

I woke up this morning
Wanting to cry
Wishing I could write
Living a lie

Back and forth
I'm a pendulum
In a storm
Back and forth
Dec 2017 · 993
reviving life
Pen Lux Dec 2017
Drinking only leads
a person into making decisions
a person wouldn't make with a sober mind.
A weakness of character and confidence.
Refuse to be weak.
Stand tall.
Be humble.
Live in truth.
Embrace the Darkness and the Light which reside in all.
Heal and be Healed.
Perceive the Now and move Forward.
Look in the Mirror.
I recently quit drinking after struggling with the feeling of needing. No one needs. They simply want. I have made the decision that I want to change my life for better. Don't think I'm preaching, this is all for me and anyone who might resonate. It's poetry after all! <3
Pen Lux Oct 2017
is it wrong to only care about the things that interest you?
is it wrong to be interested in deep emotions, the environment, love, laughter and darkness?
Oct 2017 · 279
Pen Lux Oct 2017
wishing for the buzz of bees
when little feet walk over me
******* blood and leaving dust
how long have I been waiting?

sleeping on the couch
getting kicked out for subtle comforts
the stench of liberation
boiling in my veins
spilling over
the mess is a distraction
creating distractions
reminds me of lost passions

passing ions
all infinite
am I infinite?
of course
it's a new course!
learning has taught me
that the more you know
the less you want to
and the less I want to
the more I want to
dichotomy of the ever-bingeing
woman you want to ****
and she wants to ****
and she wants to hide

deception of pride!

I still walk with my head up
lips curled, up
survived last night
no throw up
just throwing up hands
one with a drink
always another one

talking too loud about illegal things
Oct 2017 · 379
dream to dare
Pen Lux Oct 2017
looking in the mirror
to meet a new person
over time my wounds
have begun to emerge
the healing soon shifts
from unachievable in my mind
to unraveling within my heart
today is made of all my choices
so here I let my feelings unfold
stretching within me is a release
bones popping
pain breaking
the sound of an apartment door slamming
I'm tuned back in to the sounds of music
bones popping
pain breaking
and I am through with the silence
radiating rather than retaining
I speak no more
yet I still make sound
Jan 2017 · 523
Pen Lux Jan 2017
a slave
he says
so brave
then he ends
with a thrash of his teeth
saying, "just ask me please!"

is it a crime for me to want these things
that cannot be seen?
Jan 2017 · 1.4k
giving time
Pen Lux Jan 2017
holding on for better days
leaving the ones that left me dazed
thoughts that blurred
leave me amazed

always broken
patterns which remained
the same

my heart wont part
or gush or beat
connecting is all to do
it seems
Oct 2016 · 938
nectarines and willow trees
Pen Lux Oct 2016
I have a persistent existence

there are echoes in his shadowed clouds
thunder and rain drops falling from the sky
he says he loves me
but I dare not ask why

I share my dreams
so detailed it seems

they're made up things

he has seen me lie
so I tell the truth

until it echoes
   e c h  o   e   s
like how my eyelids open

to the sound of thunder
to the sounds of my mistakes

he shakes the wake of my existence
holds no pride in his resistance

teaches me to be true
in all that I do

even when

staying up late nights
I explain to him what it is I write
regretting nothing
forgiving fights

the words mean more than nothing
the confusion of our illusions
that we can't believe in
drop like rain
they drop like rain

singing pain in the untold thoughts
that mean more
than the washed up shore
that had tidal waves
(untold graves)  
seashells sea ringing
(the hells are singing)

so don't stop bringing
your music, your art
the love we have
not yet torn apart

keep playing
keep singing
love bringing

your heart
creates art
thank you.
Jul 2016 · 2.1k
the (e)motions of time
Pen Lux Jul 2016
love is not so far away
this morning
a kiss on the lips
and a shut door

inspiration blooms in the shade
while the sun burns down
on the back of his neck
as he works
peeling away old memories
past hurt and pains
trust that was broken
each day
he gains
sends flames

in this habitat
somewhat of a

sleeping in his bed
dreams run through my head
nightmares or sweet dreams
waking is breaking through the seems
what I've seen and what I've done
are comparable to none
again, today is different
but similar to yesterday

my mind is still running
while my heart still wants to play
my body isn't moving
for my soul is bound by passion

desire is an unworthy foe
who I believed to be a friend
not so long ago

love is not the enemy
such as I used to believe
I think to move is worth it

tending to the garden,
the flowers, and the trees

yes, time is moving forward
and it's my turn to follow suit
time is moving forward
and all I see
is me
and you
Jun 2016 · 747
1 of 22 in 22
Pen Lux Jun 2016
ten years
of writing
and sharing.
of erasing fear
from what I share.

a decade later
and I am asked
to be quiet, told,
I talk too much.
figuring, if I talk
too much, too quickly,
I have learned nothing.

so I write.

this place is safe
pen on page
words on screen
no real name
truly facing shame(s).

words can hurt
but writing can change,
an outlook, an image,
a feeling, a tone.

there's something about here
me, alone, with these words,
that stops the constant curiosity
of what others may say or do,
because with these forms of words,
only beauty may resound.

no, "telephone game"
of, "who said this, she said,
he said," distorted and mangled.
re-angled! painful miscommunications
avoided so simply. LOOK HERE, look here!
if you misunderstood, read again, or interpret.
these words were written for me and about me,
inspired, perhaps, by others actions or words,
but honesty can happen in abstract ways
much like the daze that follows, when one
says and they say, so instead, I choose to
hurt no one, on purpose or by mistake
instead I will express myself within
this realm of word play!
(it has been ten years since I wrote and shared my first poem with another person, and 7 since I have been sharing here on HP. I figured since I am no good at doing push ups, I will do a 22 poems in 22 days challenge! feel free to join and tag your poem 22 in 22)
May 2016 · 653
eating meetings
Pen Lux May 2016
thinking lately
"baby, bate me"
if you grate me
no longer in the past
forget the late me
maybe you could
date me?

drama here in the mountains
breakdowns and bus stops
kids who feel entitled
parents cash in their jeans
screaming, obscenes
strange scenes
heart on my sleeve
people here say I'm too deep
as the truth creeps like snow melting
waterfalls breaking through
and I scream just as obscene
because the truth is much more difficult
and I didn't come here for an easy ride
or to build my pride
I quicken my stride
with thoughts of home
as I face the faces who scream,
"this is our mountain and we can do what we want with it!"
I disagree over quick paces
the coarseness of burnt toast
the smell of fresh brewed coffee
and I quicken my pace
quicken so I don't have to feel the weight of their egos
so that I can try and break away from my own
I feel so alone with myself
when did I forget I was here
that I'm all I need?

I miss the ones I love as I bleed
struggling to breed my own love
to move on and to move up
forgive the past and destroy the ruts

another day counting cigarette butts
May 2016 · 592
Pen Lux May 2016
harmonizing with my inner self
not much food left on the shelf
but I am full, so full, I explode
bursting with self-expression
my explosions, although,
abrasive. often catch a
curious eye from the
distance and my
explosion's lux
is almost a

I am far
far out
not sure how long I will stay
not sure how long before I leave
all I know is that I need to believe
in myself and the consciousness I have been granted.

intelligence is not something to be feared,
rather, revered. perhaps my mind walks too fast,
gets stuck in the past, rewinds and repeats laps.
if my heart felt any different about the things I said,
then my soul might not matter, and my mind would be dead.
so rather than cry and worry about others opinions, others
clique par-say part-tea par-tay's. I shall say, HEY, I am me
and you are you, but don't put me down because of the
mistakes you make and the wrongs you do. I might
look **** when I cry, I might look **** when I cry,
I might, but it's no excuse for the abuse that all
these people seem to choose. I said it again,
and I say it again, patience is peace, and
peace is release. A lesson I still struggle
to maintain. I might look **** when
I cry, because peace is release, if I
choose to be, if I let it be. peel
back your eyes and see, I'm
a reflection of you, you're
a reflection of me.
Pen Lux May 2016
backwards breaking
belligerent bleeding
no success
in the wanting
no independence
in the needing
counterproductive concepts
crumbling creativity
no more
no more
no more
subtle silences
scorching screams

it's not a holiday
but we're drinking
smoking *******
threatening our hearts
with ideas of "again"
of "tomorrows"

the best time to dream is
from 7:30am to 8:15am
those are the dreams
you wake up with
the dreams that feel so real
that life is more dreamlike
so fantasies stay and play
no fear left in your heart
no longer needing to be wrapped in another
the only love is created from within
not from each other's

so let the mountains surround
and the music drowned
no drinking tonight
NO drinking tonight
don't bring it or leave it
I wake up at night
chug water
heavy breathing

I miss his kiss, back, tongue, hips
so, no drinking tonight, I want to
let go, not sink in.

rising up
as I'm
growing up
waking up
middle of the night
still drunk
throwing up
no drinking tonight

shedding layers in the light
I'll glow off the snow tonight
Pen Lux Apr 2016
for myself
the Yuba's pulse
is that of the scent of coffee
freshly brewed
lightly roasted
early in the morning
in the middle of winter

comfort in the heartbeat
of the community

soon I will drift off
like wood
not seeking
simply floating in the current
rushing through the waves
becoming one with what surrounds me
always floating
nothing will drowned me

Colorado isn't so far away
that my love won't reach those who stay
I'm afraid that I can no longer steep
I'm fresh hot tea, and biscuits!
Ready to eat!

I'm taking a bite of life
to nourish my soul
this valley of grass
no longer my (w)hole!
no longer another day
wishing to move on
it's time to let go
to see a new dawn!

the horizon so bright!
the road awaits my travels
and I await my fate

another day for another friend
no such hurt that love won't mend
I find myself better when I am with myself
so here I go into the world
to feel a new river
smell a new smell
see a sight unknown without fright
no tightening in my stomach
fluttering at best

wings never at rest
sprouting from my back
fueled by my chest
the beating inside
reverberates externally
although my physical being moves
my love for this place, these people
and the land, my love will stand

Apr 2016 · 434
frantic romantics
Pen Lux Apr 2016
I've been looking without seeing
talking without listening
screaming with no sound
loving endlessly, hopelessly
I'm not proud about the
slamming in my chest,
persistent knocking.

Fear is tempting me; walk!
Go see him; Go break yourself.

Maybe one day I will learn not to love,
to give, to share, to spend, to hold on,
so quickly, so easily, so hard.
in with the old and out with the new
in with the new and out with the old
in and out with the old and new
this poem, I'm not sure how old,
feels like new!
Mar 2016 · 438
Pen Lux Mar 2016
an illusion of acts
destroyed by the facts
it's innocence she lacks
holding back

the words she wants to speak
are the words that make a creak,
horrifying shriek!

saying what I feel
and actually feeling
instead of suppressing
passive aggressive thoughts

solitude gives me strength
people give me strength
learning to balance time
is harder than balancing my body
one legged, arms stretched out in front of me
Mar 2016 · 326
Pen Lux Mar 2016
another day
proving to myself
that I can be myself

**no apologies or excuses included
Mar 2016 · 688
Pen Lux Mar 2016
she was the smell of gasoline and bubblegum
a sweet rancidness that filled my lungs
made me choke, on her
the aroma of Then
lingering even Now
more time passes
memories slow-burning
to ashes, in planters
new life emerges
more time passes
the Future awaits
patiently in peace
as Now blooms,
lives, dies, passes
rhythmic life
let me forget
as time passes
smell new roses
let me live in the rhythm of Now
rather than swaying against it.


I am.

popping bubbles
burning gasoline
moving forward
as time passes.
words words words
weird inspiration
weird words weird words
let's explore! the weird worlds words
Oct 2015 · 671
green on the inside
Pen Lux Oct 2015
white powder mildew in my ears
whisper something I can hear
it's fear
give me something to harness
maybe fill this emptiness
it's clear
two blue eyes and a mouth full of doubt
I want to hear you shout
that you're here
Feeling broken all the time I lose myself
within the rhyme
my dear

cold winters rain
weathers game
I'm feeling insane

I'm a black dove
you're a green-leaf newt
I'm not sure what to do

green leafed crystals canopy
over me like
a cave
surrounded by a miracle
working but never
a slave
no dreams could dare to stand against
such a sweet

in the wind
they bowed
as I danced
in and out,  through & through
small white plastic
inescapable t a n g l e s
reach up and under while

all the
     ­                            g
**blue on the out

--in progress-
Sep 2015 · 478
shadow of light
Pen Lux Sep 2015
blood lines
moon veins
balance in
taking chances
beneath the skin
charging chakras

chanting mantras
demons creeping
loving to taunt us
one mentions two
the placebo begins
so rather than holding
on and sinking in
we're sprouting out
as Fall begins

ancient colors
soft chilled winds
clouds parting
faded sunlight
canopying in

green folds to gold
as brewing stories unfold
every month a holiday
from the first to the end
growing older
repeating habits
writing again
writing until my sins
feel less like sin
and more like progress

progressive evils
tentative friends
nature morphing
surrounding me
a creature again
paling and darkening
Sep 2015 · 894
sad cat
Pen Lux Sep 2015
Headed for the desert where
brown sands and blue skies
hold no traces of my insides.

His love were his lies
tough and sticky, his words
taffy words, which I would chew
all tangled in my teeth and beginning
to root deeper until his lies were my gospel.

With faith so stubborn it refused to let go,
I began to breed his insanity through
following and repeating, cavities,
bad habits that feel good for
brief moments until you
wake up wanting to
disappear, rewind
or just die, to
forget it.

Headed into the mountains
where towering trees teach me to Stand Tall
and the river tells me to Let Go.

The wind whispering:
                         secrets are for the weak.
Discretion is what creates mystery,
filtering speech is a gift I have yet
to behold for much longer than a
meditation in a crowded room. so
instead of passion, I choose peace.

Headed to downcast weather and
snow littered pavement. Fresh air
and a new enchantment, where I
find opportunities with each inch
that layers upon layers, snow like
onions, skin like ice, onion hearted
peeling and half in the trash, half
in half just barely beating for more
sense of security in adventure and
pulsing and throbbing with the
excitement for the unknown.

patience is peace. patience is peace. patience is peace.
peace is release. peace is release. peace is release.
Sep 2015 · 438
after work? poetry
Pen Lux Sep 2015
alright, don't invite me
see if I care what you
share with the other people
you might call friends
who are simply pawns.

                  it feels strange to finally write about you

I was going to write by
hand and in a letter
but you never deserved
it in the first place so
why? I ask myself why
in the hell would you deserve it now?

you said you like
me because I'm articulate
In reality I think it's because
I took your **** without spitting
everything back for you to look at
you brought my hand to the bottle
made me numb to your toxicity
while I was ******* on your
***, never ******* both, HA
you only kissed me when
you were bored and
never because you
really wanted it
hating truth
hating you
......    ......

alright, I DON'T HATE YOU, but I want to tell you
                 i hate you
for what you let me become and for what you didn't tell me
for all the time I spent thinking about you and for all the time
wasted wishing that you thought about me too for what you
always gave and for what you never gave because all I ever
wanted was tobeclosewithyou apparently I got trapped in
one of those cliche phrases "keep your friends close and
you enemies closer" perhaps you knew I wouldn't like you
if I wasn't drunk, you knew I would get bored and leave

well, chocolate truffle, you were my worst mistake

I am learning who my friends are

darling, you were only fake
it's weird making friends and losing friends and why and what and who where when well... because that **** happens

I don't know, but I have had a great *** day and this poem
really really really helps me in a weird way to feel even better!
Next page