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This is an ever-refreshing circle of
long for-love-attach-suffer for

and when I eat food
they are the blandest meals
for I must avoid any taste of salt
because salt tastes like you...
and when I recall
how sweet
you are
I hurt

and I should not hurt.

if I don't hurt, i will not be deserted, and then i will not hurt.
circle logic.

at least it has a shape.
Otherwise, what form does a life take?
What sense does this world make?
And so, i stay, inside the circuit,
because I have not learned to lead myself away
and if I were to learn that I love myself,
and that I cause this hurt to myself,
I don't know how I could ever forgive me.
How easily can I make myself believe there is not more than this?
 Jan 26 Pen Lux
 Jan 26 Pen Lux
There's a difference between being with someone, and loving someone.

There's a difference between having a place to sleep at night, and having a home.

There's a difference between being lonely,
and being alone.
Just between things rn.
 Jan 26 Pen Lux
 Jan 26 Pen Lux
beautiful round ***,
a firm smack
it smacks back  
fast pace
you looking back
moans morph to screams,
I could get use to that
begging for more
and I reach back
some deep strokes
I love that
 Feb 2018 Pen Lux
 Feb 2018 Pen Lux
Strength from within she provides
In the depths of her heart he confides
with understanding she guides, him
as they walk with matching strides
ruling their kingdom together
her temple, his palace
her body, his shrine
joined together forever
protecting each others pride
like two souls meeting two spirits
their souls align
 Dec 2017 Pen Lux
Hands all over
heart beat racing
pulse pulsing
pacing with haste
the moment heavier than our breathing
our clothes the only thing leaving
minds lost souls drunk
our vibes feeling the funk
eye contact touching each other
lips tongue tied
*** on our minds
legs wrapped in each other
love makin the best even better
 Dec 2017 Pen Lux
Ryan Bowdish
Brutality been building up
Cutting through the marrow
Feels like pork, penny flavored
High tension cord, aroma savored
Laced with liquid hydrocodone
World fades to black as the cleaver falls
(As the cleaver falls)
As the cleaver falls!

Spoken like a true warrior, you scheme
Despise it, revised it like a million times, it
Hurts to think that if it were tangible
I would probably just **** it to death
Scared to let myself get a handle
On the last human feelings I have left

She was a no one, a ghost
Her family left her in her glory days
Tell me, would you even have known
If I chose to keep it hidden away?

White lines on roadsides
Up my ******* nose again
I could **** it twice
This feeling I feel in the end

Every **** time I feel the cleaver fall
It's the whole night over again
A twisted groundhog day forever
Been runnin' since the very first ******
It's been building up
The brutality
And I can finally feel the release
Of the fatality
I'm balancing
Between the oncoming
They'll say it was tragic
But not for me
Because I wanted to ******* end it

A shallow grave beckoning
Her bones like excellency
The eel in the cold pit
Slippery like new cement
Slow descent
No incentive
To respect the dead
Feeling the bile rise
Letting it coat her insides
The smell like hospitals
After a travesty

If I could put it in to words
I would just **** it red
Or beat it until my knuckles bled
And I know that if I find some help
I would satisfy
The sickest parts of me
So who the **** is next?

Don't ask me for my number, kid.
Kiss your mama goodbye
 Dec 2017 Pen Lux
Megan Grace
you are a ****, she said
she said, *you are a ****
i have scraped knees and
a quickly bruising elbow,
a finger to my lips and a
dinosaur washrag dripping
onto my thigh.
but, grandma, she said-
there is a calming, silencing
tone to the thumb wiping
my face clean, a soft smile.
even gardeners mistake the
new, stray trees on their
fence lines sometimes, meg.
11/10/17 -- from my journal

my grandma told me this story the other day, when i came to her with some self doubt. she told me to "always be a tree even if you aren't supposed to be one."
 Dec 2017 Pen Lux
Jack Jenkins
her name is written with sapphires on the beach
she dances like the wind in the sky
she gave me her hands when i reached
oh, her love i can never deny
Just something random I threw together. I hope you all enjoy. :)
 Dec 2017 Pen Lux
 Dec 2017 Pen Lux
The girls I want
don't want me.
The girls who want me,
I don't want.
Single life mentality (in a nutshell.)
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