My worst nightmares aren’t found in slumber
But in the realities of the waking dream
For at least occasionally in sleep
I find a way to escape the screams
For, these voices never let me rest
And a heart in pieces can’t rest in peace
Sleep comes rarely, if at all
No chance for dreams to bring release

My demons aren’t those of hell
They are the ones in my own mind
Myself I torture constantly
In this prison of my own design
Surrounded by the ghosts of loss
And phantoms of true love unseen
I wish that I could sleep a while
But my heart and mind keep haunting me

Smoke another cigarette
Cry another tear
Neither one help me feel better
So much now that I forget
It’s all becoming clear
With every word I write
With every letter
Do I even know myself?
Am I but a stranger?
Have I ever known myself at all?
So many things I tell myself
But, maybe that’s the danger
Maybe, it’s but dreams that I recall

Is this real
Or is this dream?
Am I fast awake
Or wide asleep?
Am I all or nothing I’ve wanted to be?
This pain I feel
These silent screams
Does my soul shake
Or does it creep?
Is it what I’ve lost or found now haunting me?

“Be there no end to this madness we suffer?”
I scream as I raise my hands to the sky
Such outraged emotions I dare not encumber
For the time has come to stop wondering why
Demanding to know, lest the knowledge escape me
Why life carries on what it carries away
So insisting we suffer before our light dims
Left only to burn out or fade away

This emptiness inside me...

How it seems to grow
From a whisper to a scream…

From a shadow to a night unending…

Crying out for change
For something temporary
To fill the void between now and forever
Even though I know…

Temporary will only feed the emptiness
And merely pacify the pain of loneliness…

Not only for me...

But for another

Is it wrong to want someone to hold
To want someone to hold me
To chase away each other’s darkness
In companionship and calm
In passion and compassion
In mutual understanding and desire
Knowing it will only be temporary
Until we each find our forever?

Maybe…

Maybe not…

All I know is this:

Every time what seemed to be my forever
Turned out to be only temporary...

The emptiness grew more fiercely...

Instantaneously...

And the nights grew longer…

Loneliness became more lonely…

My heart more broken

And if I can curse the sky…

Curse my name…

Knowing how much harder it will be…

How can I condone…

How can I expect…

How can I allow…

How can I ask anyone for temporary
No matter how much it may appeal to either of us...

Temporarily?

If I know it would do more to destroy love
Than to create love…

Why does temporary even appeal to me at all at times?

Because…

Sometimes…

Temporary feels like forever

But…

Temporary always ends

No matter how long it takes…

Temporary always ends

So…

No matter how long the nights…

No matter how long the wait…

No matter how lonely loneliness may seem…

I wait...

Though the emptiness inside me grows...

No matter how loud the whisper...

No matter how silent the scream…

I will wait for my forever
Because this pain is only temporary
And temporary always ends…

Even when it feels like forever