Isang tula para sa pusong
Walang ginawa kung hindi lumaban
Ni hindi alam kung anong pupuntahan –
Naliligaw, nagwawari
Nagdedepende sa mga salitang “hindi maaari”

Hindi maaaring sumuko
Hindi maaaring malumpo
Hindi maaaring tumakbo palayo
Sa mundong umuubos sayo

Natatakot sumugal muli
Natatakot mahulog sa patibong ng pag-ibig
Dahil minsan nang nasaktan
Minsan nang inabuso

Pumapalagay na lamang sa mga panandaliang aliw
Nagpapanggap na siya’y mabubuo ulit
Kahit saglit..
Kahit saglit..

Isa lang ang gusto kong sabihin sa’yo –
sa pusong hindi alam kung saan patungo
Huwag **** parusahan ang sarili mo
Dahil balang araw ikaw ang aani nito

Hinuhubog ka ng panahon
Sa pagdating ng tadhanang
Nakalaan sa iyong pag-ahon

Huwag kang matakot sumugal
Dahil doon mo malalaman kung
Ano ang para sa iyo, mahal.

My life is so ****** up
I'm tired..
I'm freaking tired...

I'm trying to be okay,
Fighting to be okay.

But everything is getting worse.
I don't know how to push on through.

I wanna freaking give up.
I. Am. Tired.

One thing I know is for sure:
I am badly in love with you.

Help me figure this out
Meet me halfway through

Maybe it's good to forget you for a while
Freeing myself from the pictures of you in my mind
Choosing to explore the world without you in it
Rushing into places like a careless bandit

But every time I try not to think of you,
All of the memories are like deja vu
Even if I try to be happy in a different world,
I still long for you, yeah, it's so absurd...

I would always love those eyes
Your laugh that makes my world stop
Your jokes, funny dance steps,
Your irresistible requests

Even if I'm not really sure if I'm special for you, too,
I would always keep you in this stupid heart of mine
Wishing that one day those eyes will search for me
And be locked in your heart eternally

What will you do if all of your expectations did not happen?
Things are falling apart,
Things are not happening your way
Every thing is just a broken high way

I. Am. Tired.
I'm tired of the voices around me
Tired of the the raging thoughts that want to get out of my brain
Tired of all the foolish decisions that I made

I'm tired...
I just want to escape from this misery
I want to hang myself and pretend it's just a nightmare
My eyes are dry already...

And then there's always this still small voice saying:
"Trust in Me with all your heart
and lean not on your own understanding;
In all your ways acknowledge Me
and I will make your paths straight."

It brings so much peace
So much love that I wouldn't find from others
I'm tired
But this Love never gets tired of loving me
This Love will never leave me nor forsake me

Do you know that you sum up my thoughts
Like my brain is half full of you
Do you even know that your smile removes the sadness in me
And that your presence makes me feel alive, I don't want to leave

I love those itsy bitsy details about you -
All those little dots and those baby fats
Your chubby cheeks that expand every time you smile
Those long eyelashes that are covered of glasses

Your laugh is like your voice when you sing
Chuckles like there's more to bring
I love the way how your eyes blink
And every time you wink

Do you even know that I appreciate you
All those small acts of yours
All the lessons you've taught me
Your eyebrows that are like moving roads
Your funny faces that give me spaces to breathe
Those big hands that I long to hold forever

Do you even know how I feel about you
How I wanna pinch your face and feel your warm embrace
Your eyes that are brighter than the stars
That make my heart beat like when you play the drums
And those eyes strum my heartstrings like no one does

Do you even know that my heart wants to escape from my chest every time that you're around
And run to yours to feel the sound
But I cannot even look straight into your eyes
Afraid that you'll see nothing but your name in the frame of my soul

Do you even know how much I care
How much I wanna text you and ask "how was your day?"
But instead I pray and hope that you're okay

As much as I wanna end this poem
Words are just flowing knowing that I can't contain this anymore

Do you even know how much I wanna tell you
But God told me to wait and have faith
That the right time will come that you'll be the one to confess
And as much as I wanna tell you my secrets and happy moments,
I'll have this intimacy with Him first

With Him who writes my love story
With Him who made you, my love
With Him who only satisfies
Who loves you the way I can never do

With Him who died for us
Who knows what we need even before we ask
And as much as I need you, my love
I want you to enjoy Him first - your first love, your one true love

As much as I wanna be with you
I'll wait for that right time

This poem is the first and I think it will never be the last
And maybe someday I'll have the chance to tell you all these
But for now, let this poem speak
Trusting that He will guide us in this journey
Trusting that He will let me hold your hand someday
Glued for His glory

I do not really understand why people choose to be hurt
Why do they have to go with the wrong choices even though they know the right ones?
Why do human beings choose to be stupid and lame and dumb?
Why?

Or is it just because they really don’t have a choice?
Maybe because they just really want to be happy
And whatever risk it may take, they just go and do it.

I do not really understand why pain exists
Like what the hell is wrong with this world
Oh, wait, I forgot. Everything’s wrong with this world.
Except for the beautiful things, may be.

Like the beautiful sky that reflects the ocean
Like the stars in the dark that shines so bright that most of us think they could answer our deepest wishes
Or like the sun that burns our skin and makes us hide under the shades of gigantic trees
Or… the beautiful you that you never saw.

I do not really understand why do we have to seek for love?
Why are we so desperate for it like peperoni on a pizza with cheese on it?
Why do we seek and long for it like air in our lungs?
Why couldn’t we just wake up one day and find that love that we’re hungry for?

I do not really understand why depression haunts me
It’s like a deafening silence banging in my brain
Killing its cells gently until it stops functioning
I feel like it’s obsessed with me
I don’t want it, I never wanted it. Never.
But I realized it’s the only thing that thinks of me.
It’s the only one that talks to me, that makes me feel overwhelmed…
And then it’s the only thing that makes me hurt myself, makes me cut my own hair, makes me wonder why do I exist, why am I here in this cruel world.
Nice huh. Sounds crazy.

I do not really understand why do my parents expect so much from me?
Wait, I’m not perfect. I have bruises and scars not just on the outside but in here in this ***** heart of mine.
Why couldn’t they understand that it’s not also easy for me?
Why couldn’t they just ask me and care for me and long for me?
Why couldn’t they stop comparing me? Why?

……


I do not really understand why.
I cannot blame my limited brain if it cannot answer all of these questions
But one thing I know is for sure…
There’s a God out there turning pain into beautiful paintings that scream of His love
Turning bruises and scars into words that give life
Turning depression into testimonies that release hope and comfort

And that love that you’re longing for?
That love that you’re desperate for?
That you’re hungry for?
It’s right beside you – that when you wake up, the moment you open your eyes, it’s right there…
He is right there.

Beloved, everything around you is nothing but temporary –
all the emotions, pain, depression, hurt, people…everything. Even you.
But remember this truth: you have a Father whom you could be with forever.
You have a Father Who cries with you, Who knows your anxious thoughts, your deepest secrets, your first love, your crush,
a Father Who knows all the pain that you went through.

Beloved, please remember this truth: He reached down from on high and took hold of you;
He drew you out of deep waters.
He left heaven for you.
He endured the suffering and the pain just for your gain.

I may not understand this love.
But this love saved me. He saved me.
This love makes me want to dance forever in His freedom.
And I want you to experience that.
He wants you to experience this genuine love that no one can rob.
He wants to be the desire of your heart.
He wants you to be lost in Him so that you could find yourself.

This poem is getting too long.
But I really made this… for you to know that whatever you’re going through right now,
You will overcome because He loves you. Jesus loves you.