If only I could spend
Every last day
Sat out on benches
Playing tears away
Smiling at the evenings
Singing to the stars
Dreaming a forever
Of music, life and hearts
And hearing on the breeze
Words of the trees
Words I don't know.

When I look to the sky I see clouds not blue,
but I could have sworn the sun was shining when I was looking at you,
and when I listened to your voice,
I heard the words of a new verse
of a new song of a new world,
and from the edge of your tongue
the purest tone would burst,
and I'd be left deaf to all but your call,
your soul's pulse crying out as I fall
in love with a single note with no fear,
no tears nor hate could come near,
while that voice cries in music,
beautiful screams that mean,
more than meaning.

The night is too dark,
Its shadows hide so many,
But I love it still

Stand together,
Sing a song,
Love's forever,
Hate is wrong.
Be the difference,
Make the change,
When night is falling,
We won't fade.
Keep on smiling,
Spirits high,
Keep believing,
Now's the time,
To speak our words,
Say our mind,
For one, for all,
For all mankind.

Linking hands as the rain fell,
A squeeze, a smile, a tear.

A plane passes overhead,
As the crowd falls to silence.

Candles lit, flicker in the dark,
As those red petals flutter in the breeze.

Together, a loss becomes love,
A warmth for us all.

Together, grief becomes hope,
Flames as one burn bright.

Together, fear becomes strength,
Their deaths ignite the fire.

As one, our hearts moved in the silence,
And, hand in hand, we knew.

My head!
Calm down my blood!
Stop screaming, I know,
Leave me be, please,
Just go.

My eye won't stop pounding,
Oh God! Why won't you stop?
What do you want?
Will painkillers help? Another?
Why not?

Ah! No! God...I give up.

Close the windows,
Turn on the lights,
Hands on your head,
Bow to the night.

You know you can't hide,
Though you're shut away,
The dark won't be held,
By bricks and glass gates.

So give it up dear,
Let me in and drown,
Breathe in the black air,
Let the your lids down.

I play along,
My notes fitting almost perfectly,
Half a breath out of time, but ringing true,
I could turn off the recording,
Play it all myself,
And no difference would be heard,
But for my fingers slipping,
And playing unintentional grace notes,
Styled out but there,
And I know they're there,
But perhaps they should stay.

Those eyes look back at me,
Softer than I remember,
Brighter than I thought.

That slight smile I've wanted for so long,
Smiles back at me,
Lips shining where the light catches them.

My skin looks just smooth enough,
My jaw not so harsh,
My cheeks pale.

My head tilted at just the right angle,
My hand in just the right place,
And for that moment I can truly believe:
I am pretty.

I am afraid.
I see no sense denying,
For ignoring weakness makes me no stronger,
Instead I embrace it,
I know I am afraid,
But fear has a purpose,
It protects me and keeps me reasonable,
Keeps me rational,
Fear fueled my escape from pain,
And fear teaches me to avoid it again,
'Twas grace that taught my heart to fear
Yes, fear is love,
The kind of love that keeps its children from harm,
I am afraid,
But I am better for it.

We know we have to hide
Every time we go outside
Just because we're the only ones like us
And we don't know who's on our side

And we've waited far too long
To stand up and say it's wrong
So now it's time to speak up and draw the line
Break the walls and sing our own song

We've put up with a world of hate
People think that that's okay
When we try to fight for our own side
We're the enemy, people say

But who we are will never change
What we believe will never fade
We've come so far, we're here to stay
We'll be free

We won't lose heart, we're not afraid
We just want the right to stay the same
Show our love in our own way
Love is all we need

A tiny drop lands on her back,
Her dark feathers locked together,
Forming a tight armour,
She shakes gently,
The water rolls away,
Trickling down,
Joining the million that make up the lake,
That shimmer with the evening sun.

Touch the dark,
Let it wash over your hands,
Feel its icy breath on your skin,
And leave a shining dew,
Listen as the night trickles through your fingers,
As gentle drops of midnight fall from your hands,
Catching the light of a billion stars in its surface,
Ripples of the breeze pass across the ebony,
Stirring waves to sing,
And softly fill up the silent hours.

The smell is choking,
Right in my lungs,
I can't see a thing,
Just grey and flame,
I can hardly breathe,
And the world is turning black,
And all sound falls away,
And only "Run!" screams through my head,
So I do,
Like a coward,
Like a fool,
I could have stopped it,
But now the fire's caught,
And nothing's left to go back to

Summer feels like too many songs,
Like falling in love twice in one night,
Like smiling for a photograph,
Like an act.

It feels like one big show to prove a point,
Like making up for the winter months,
Like pretending to be happy,
Like we're not.

It feels like putting flowers at a grave,
Like running from mistakes all over again,
Like cleaning the house for when the relatives come over,
Like hiding the truth.

Sleep child, dream away,
Ignore the world and slip away,
Until the new day.

The dawn chorus says: "Go to bed"

I once talked of endings,
Like beginnings I couldn't see,
Like new adventures to be taken,
Like half a chance to flee.

I once talked of endings,
Like the story I can't tell,
Like the future out or reach,
Like a legend I know well.

I once talked of endings,
Like the drink in my glass,
Like waiting for a refill,
Like a glorified restart.

I once talked of endings,
But I won't anymore,
Too many times I've missed out,
Because I slammed and locked the door.

I was always afraid of endings,
So I painted my own sequels,
To hide the fact that all I wanted,
Was to turn the page.

Rows of metal shells hold our future,
The windows covered in grime and cracked,
Not that anyone would care.

The next generation eats in kitchens of disorder,
Sleeps in the home of chaos,
Wears the clothes of extortion.

***** mouths fuel our world,
Industry propped up by falsehoods,
Empty promises drive us on.

The distance runs past my eyes,
And suddenly I'm right there,
Listening to your music,
And I could take your hand,
I think.

But as I reach out, the ground falls away,
And I am dragged through restless seas,
Through dirt and across concrete,
Until I'm back home,
A shivering wreck.

The wind runs through the trees,
The world lets out a sigh.

A whisper frees my bones,
Leaves me calm and quiet.

Everything stops for a second when the wind stops,
Holding onto its breath.

A perfect silence only broken,
When a bird calls out again.

Fresh cut grass baked in rare sun,
Streaks of pale green beneath my toes,
The smell of year five break-times,
When we'd run and throw and build houses from cuttings.

I remember when we'd pretend,
That we know far more about life,
Passing notes and giving subtle gifts,
Hints of made-up love.

We'd ask if we were born wrong,
If we should play football or with skipping ropes,
And we'd laugh at little things,
And we'd care about the world.

These days the world's on hold,
While we take and stress about exams,
Outside is a waste of time,
Until we take the time and breathe.

Breathe in the smell of a time I loved,
A time when friends were everything.

Rhythm pouring into my bones,
It won't let me go,
I must dance,
But I can't dance,
So I dance in my head,
And with my voice I scream,
In the hope that stronger emotion,
Will find a new dimension,
And inspire my bones to move,
Without fear.

Away, away,
The world falls away,
But tell me child you'll chase it still,
And make it fall your way.

Afraid, afraid,
The people are afraid,
But tell me child you'll stay strong still,
And won't let your fear stay.

A day, a day,
We wait another day,
But tell me child you'll smile still,
And run with the sun while you play.

The nights and pain I wish away,
Dissolve upon the breeze,
The lights above, and the whisper of,
A monster in the steam.

A cough, a glare, a moment rare,
A chance to catch my breath,
And listen hard, the falling stars,
Sing before they rest.


A rumble low, that we all know,
Is nothing to be feared,
Keeps us from harm, And spirits calm,
As long as he is near.

I sit at my laptop,
A strange sense of purpose,
As my fingers hit the keys,
And for once I feel as if I could write of simple things,
Smiling things:

The music in my ears,
Sending me into dance,
Singing along to words I hardly known,
Written for someone else but still mine in this moment,
And without fear I let the sound rock my whole body,
Filling my lungs so deep they burst.

The flowers in the field,
Some child in the sky flicking a paint brush of bright yellow,
Sending shining drops across the green.
How the wind ripples through them,
A wave of some forgotten tide that loved the land too much.

The stories in my head,
Faces I don't recognise but will love before long,
Places I've never seen but feel like home,
Air I can't breathe that keeps me alive,
Universes flowing like rivers from my mind.

Drops drum against my window,
And trickle onto the page,
They long for my attention,
For me to put grey skies,
Fine mist and moody tears,
Into yet another poem.

But who am I to argue?
The gods are drumming on my window,
They're asking me to notice,
And I have,
So I must,
As down the valley summer flowers,
Are battered by the sky,
Force-fed vital water,
In bursts and steady onslaughts,
Until the ground can take no more,
And the Earth cries out:
*Stop

Writing over,
The words I last thought
Meant something.

They blur beneath these,
Punctuation in. the wrong places
That. I couldn't quite erase.

My new idea is unclear,
Messy, chaotic,
It will not merge with what I thought,
Meant something.

Will this mean anything?
Or will these words do no more
Than mess up the next lot?

My mind won't.
Hold.
A thought for.
Than a second.

I can't keep.
Eyes focused on.
I need to.
To work it out.

How can I.
Try to think.
Nothing seems to.
Sense it just.
Fit together anymore.

Walk the line of crazy,
Dip a toe into insane,
Dance when there's no music,
Play out in the rain.

Ignore the normal and find,
A new pattern to become,
Discard the path,
Walk across the grass - Run!

Be intoxicated by the smell,
Of the air in summer,
Smile at clouds,
Break traditions,
Be free.

A businessman sits at the head of a table,
Putting money in the *** for a simple card game,
He gestures: "Come on! The odds are are yours."
As he makes sure they aren't.

A friend of the man sits next to you,
Buying drinks, giving 'advice',
"Go on! Up your bet," he says,
"You're bound to win soon."

The owner of the place, noticing this.
Comes over to check for fraud,
The businessman slips him a cheque,
And all is in order.

At the end of the night, having lost it all,
You stand and start to leave,
The businessman gives you one coin and says:
"If only you were good at this game."

Trying to find some meaning,
In a language I don't know.
Shuffling direct truth to tease out emotion,
From stale words to blood-filled bursts,
Of overflowing hearts,
And tear-soaked dreams,
Of glistening eyes.

Here we go again, Here we go again,
Cycles have an end, All things have to end,
All except for you, reflected in my heart,
But why do you smile while I cry?

I try to hold back the tears though you’re not here
But still they will fall - because they're all I have left to offer to your shrine.
I know it had to end but I can’t tell if I would rather live or have to die.
I’m longing for the fire in your eyes - I will burn bright and keep your flame alive.
I’ll keep your heart beating with mine,
I can’t let this flat-line.

I promise I’ll be with you now, I don’t know how I could leave before eternity.
I can’t hold back the tears another day! The years won’t take away my memories.
And now the things around turn to colour as I hear your last words again:

“Don’t let your heart fall, I’m still here, I will always be near.
I could never be far from your side: remember me”

You asked me if I would hold you in my arms,
As you began to fade and your strength began to fail,
But even as your eyes lost their final light,
There painted on your lips: one final smile.

If I tell the truth, all I really want
Is to walk with you again and feel the warmth of your hand.

I’m holding back the tears though you’re not here and still I can’t stop staring at the sky.
I thought it couldn’t end but I was wrong but still I'm searching for you in every star.
Yes, I know that only infinite things can burn so bright without fading to the past.
But I still want to save you,
So my heartbeat’s for you.

I wish I could go back and find when “I’m fine” was spoken as honest as your smile.
So pointlessly I keep holding your fingers though they’ll never close around mine.
The days that cannot come back might somehow keep your lips from turning blue.
So I deny it all to save you,
When eyes closed, you’re still you.

And your imprint will always remain in my soul.

Flowers that bloomed on the other side
Are hardly as pure as breath in your lungs -
Breaths which now have ceased and faded as you sleep.
Still your smiling face, blossoms into life.

“Thank you,” I told you, as if everything was fine
Just another day... Just another day.
I’d never really known the meaning of “Goodbye”
But now my heart stands still, and crumbles in my hands.

If I tell the truth, it was all because I want
To hold you hand again and feel the warmth of your smile.

How can I hold back tears when you’re not here while still I can’t stop searching for your eyes?
I thought it couldn’t end but I was wrong - now my forever’s broken on the ground.
Why can’t I see that fire in your eyes? It burned so bright and smouldered out so fast.
And I still don’t know how to save you -
Now one heart beats for two.

I wish I could turn back the time to when “I’m fine” could still mean more than just a lie.
I never want to let go of your fingers, but now they're cold compared to mine.
The voice that cannot speak somehow smiles if I keep watching your pale skin go white.
Still I deny it all to save you,
I close my eyes and you’re still you.

The leaves tumble down,
A thread hangs from the trunk,
Each leaf tied by unseen hand,
Locked in frozen fall,
They call them tears,
But they cling on instead of drop,
A whisper on the water,
Ripples pink in sunset's warmth,
Across the almost still, dark water,
Reflections warped,
Silent breath,
Watch the colour fade.

Up too late,
Yes, I suppose,
But I'm writing thoughts,
Working out my mind,
Before I close to the dark.

Up too late,
Yes, if you like,
But I'd rather lose an hour,
Sleeping uselessly than,
These words that I write.

Up too late,
Yes, I'm tired,
But I'm enjoying being free,
To talk and say what I want,
Without the pressures of life.

Up too late,
I can't deny it,
But it is worth it.

Five hundred days, I've written,
About whatever came to mind,
Or eye, or hand,
And some days I struggled,
To find new words, new truths,
New sights, new sounds,
New concepts or new ideas.

And sometimes I put it off,
(Like these words I write right now)
And said "I can do it tomorrow."
But I never want to give in,
For I refuse to admit I have run out of inspiration.

I never will.

Everyday I see new things,
From different angles,
Through different filters.

I will not run out of words,
For at least another half-millennium,
And by then, why stop there?

Look me in the eyes,
And see the real me,
See me beneath what you're told to see,
Look don't just see what you believe,
In these holes in my defense,
I will let you find my soul,
Open with naked honesty if only,
You would choose to see it.

I'm not afraid to admit the truth,
Though am scared of what you'll say.

I won't avoid being honest.
Just because people have told me I should lie.

I refuse to live in secret, no matter the cost,
My soul is open to both change and attack.

I will not hate you for hating me,
But I live in hope that you might one day understand.

The endless blue has hidden again,
Cowered behind the grey,
Though yesterday bold,
Now shy and afraid to be seen.

American spring has gone back home,
The British clouds back,
To take control,
And remind us we are a kingdom, not states.

Laid-back afternoons are over now,
Making way for the stress of reality,
No time to close your eyes,
No time to look around,
Sit at a desk and write through the spring,
Ignore the seasons,
Sit and write what they say.

Singing along to songs I know too well,
Finding new ways to hear,
New meanings in old words,
New words in old meanings,
In the hope that I will forget the days,
When these songs were our theme songs,
When these words were our poetry,
Not mine.

I can feel it still,
Where the blow should have hit,
Where the marks on my wrist from the rope should have been.

I can taste it still,
Where the fire should have been,
Where the blood in my veins should have choked and died.

I can hear it still,
Where the screams should have called,
Where the ring of metal should have ended it all.

But I can breathe it still,
When the air fills my lungs,
And heart can beat and race and fall just as it always did

My head burns with the fires of the past,
With the scramble of words round skull,
Faster and faster, truth ricocheted off lies,
And smashed against the ever-crumbling screams,
That won't stop looping
And looping
And blurring
And looping
And with each stale copy another shade lost,
Another angle forced into the frame
Of a single photograph I saw maybe once
Of a child with hope in her eyes
And a teenager with no light left imposed upon her
Until it all blends into one.

One soul, one past, one future,
Not enough.

Your username and password,
To learn of the world,
Your e-mail address,
To access your friends,
A 4-digit PIN,
To start out your life,
A captcha test,
To be yourself,
The world behind a lock screen.

In silence motionless,
But dancing with his laughs,
Rising with his spirits,
Falling with his heart,
Each wrapped around his soul,
One a hint of his truth,
The perverse meaning behind his words,
The other joining the first as his laughter shakes his smile.