i realized something when i was a teen
that i don't want a love that's sweet,
not something like a rom-com scene
with flowers and chocolate treats

i crave madness and craze
an obsession so still and strong
that his thoughts make me graze
my fingers to places that are wrong

the more i push him away
the more he makes me submit to his will,
that all my nights are his to play
with a mastery in twisted thrill

i want him to consume me
engrave himself on my skin
keep me bound yet set me free
in this profanity filled with sin

i want his rough hands on me
and his dark eyes on my soul,
for through his eyes do i see
how beautiful look i under his control

it's not something normal know i
wanting something so **** dangerous,
yet i feel that this broken guy
will be anything but treacherous

he will put my pieces back
and make me whole again,
because there's still something i lack
that has made me find pleasure in pain

i was always told how different am i
and this thought often made me cry
sick to my stomach because of my wants
i was afraid of what lurks inside the haunt...
.
.
.
and so i will leave this poem incomplete
just like i am
because with every ****** heartbeat
it's tougher and tougher to repeat-
"maybe i will find you one day
or else be lost forever,
because
i want it all
or i else i am okay with never"