Submit your work, meet writers and drop the ads. Become a member
139 · Oct 2023
m.o.n.otonous
Påłpëbŕå Oct 2023
everything hurts, from my heart to my head
for all these years the lies that i had been fed
are now showing their true colour of shades
blue to black with dust of gray in spades
i feel like a ***** in the oxymoron that this life is
where temporary pleasures feel like a permanent bliss
i am scared to my death as i exhale fear with every breath
because all that i knew was a mirage in this desolate desert
and now my personalities react after being **** inert
i want one thing but need the other
i think one thing but do the other
there's chaos running through my veins
unstable are my senses and mad is my brain
anxious is what i am all day long
and so all this forever feels wrong
i have done something i wasn't supposed to
and the what if scenario has now come true
i have let down people and disappointed their hopes
the very thought of betraying them doesn't help me cope
i wish i could turn back time do things right
but wonder i what would be my insight?
if allowed to go back would i change a thing?
or would i choose the same ****** song to sing???
138 · May 2023
.P.A.S.T.
Påłpëbŕå May 2023
it hasn't been long since i last wrote
yet inking real poetry seems ages away,
when words flew without any implore
and i could free my feelings everyday

now everything remains stuck inside
deep within my head it all hides

and i feel ~ asphyxiated
indulged and incinerated
without a way out i sit in solace
my independence lost in space

what more does my life has now
was my past better somehow?
i miss people from long ago
but i guess that letting them go
was the rightest of right thing
yet feel i like an angel with a broken wing
incomplete and tired
differently wired
hauntingly beautiful and dauntigly dead
i am forever lost in my head

what am i doing with my life, i have no clue
every minute i feel pink, black and blue
no innocence left in view
i feel ugly covered in painful hues
Not A Poem
138 · Jul 2021
the chase
Påłpëbŕå Jul 2021
my mom taught me when
i was a little girl at ten
to never chase after a guy
that often made me wonder why
because
naive I was
thought that if the boy i liked
didn't know he made my pulse spike
could end up with someone not me
so my interest in him should he see
but she was right like always
and now i sit here with rays
of died hope
which is difficult to cope
with the fact
that
he doesn't even know that I exist
then why should i persist?
it's unrequited, like always
get the memo ;p
137 · Sep 2023
sol V
Påłpëbŕå Sep 2023
i always thought that i'd be the light of your life
like all other fairy tales i'd end up as your wife
but neither do i glow and nor do i show
the traits of being a soft-spoken docile woman
that would be best suited for you, my fav human
i am deranged and dark waiting for a spark
to light me up from within and more
and make me happy to the core
i am like earth in this system of yours
pining over you for so long because
i like the idea of having your sole attention on me
being the centre of your universe maybe
but that's an unhealthy obssession say i
and like the moth, i'm chasing a new high
only that i've hated loving you all along
manifesting by your side i belong
but we couldn't be any different know i this
and that's why i can't even imagine our kiss
because you're too sacred for a demon per say
and i understand your distance anyway, always
yet you're my unwanted muse that i can't not write about
even though i wish to stop and silently shout
it's frustrating to write and yet never be acknowledged
but maybe this anonymity makes me feel privileged
as i write these sentences for you to read
without you actually paying much heed
that you inspire a deep devilish part in me
and become the muse of my petty poetry
i hope this is the last one
i don't understand why i am writing this, but i can't stop myself

to the muse who lives in ignorance
136 · Feb 28
the way you look at me
Påłpëbŕå Feb 28
you look at me like you want me
but you never say a word, simply see
your eyes do a tour but never dip too low
very gentlemanly of you or is it just for show?
because i have heard your tales, your reputation precedes
the list of your conquests is what that impedes
me from obsessing over your veiny arms and full lips
making me crave your body, from toes to finger tips
because i know where your hands have been
who warmed your bed and how you left her cold
girl after girl has exited your door, i have seen
and yet, you think it's your face that i want to hold?
i might have episodes of self-destruction but i have more than two brain cells
i know that you aren't an angel who fell
you're a devil who seems to want a piece of me now
but letting a man take me for granted is something i can't allow
so what that your piercing gaze makes me wet
it's not a good enough reason for me to let
you touch me there where i ache for your expertise
i am self-sufficient to make myself relieved
but somedays it's a little difficult to get you out of my head
because it's your soul that i see instead
of a guy who simply wants to blow his load
but you're a risky bet that i can't afford
so stop looking at me like you want something from me
because honestly, i am pretty weak
i will succumb to my ***** demons soon
~you're a bane so why are you pretending to be my boon?
Påłpëbŕå Jul 2023
you look at me like you want something from me
but wonder i, what possibly could it be
for i have nothing to offer you
neither a sentence nor words a few
then why do your eyes burn holes into mine
searching for what lies deep inside
i cannot fathom the depths of your obsession
burning so bright with an everlasting passion
you're my poison, you will be the death of me
and so wonder i, why do you look at me like you want a broken piece like me
135 · Aug 2023
sol III
Påłpëbŕå Aug 2023
you want me to write for you
bleed away my soul impromptu
be your slave and serve you well
give up myself to dwell in your hell
do you want me?
or is it my attention that you crave
i know you love to see
my dead heart twisting in its grave
for you want me to be obsessed like the earth
who gives herself up for all it's worth
it wakes up and sleeps, smiles and weeps
in the hopes of a destined promise to keep
for all i want is for you to acknowledge my existence
and maybe only then will i give up on my persistence
but who am i fooling
your mere name has me drooling
in daydreams and in nightmarish screams
it's your name to which my heart beats
it's your name on my lips that i repeat

i admire you from a safe distance not because i am afraid of getting burned
a monster like me isn't worth your time
is something the hard way i learned
WhatsUp Brain?
why would you take me there, eh?
134 · Sep 2023
a yelp for help
Påłpëbŕå Sep 2023
often wonder i how would it feel
when my cut open wrists would bleed
saving me from taking the next breath,
i happily choose the easiest of death!
because living is a chore i cannot do
everything's black, devoid of a hue!

yet a part of me wishes to be found
hearing me out when i suffer without a sound

helping me come back from this dark deep hole
and make me acquainted with my spirited soul

for i know there's a part of me that wants to survive
a beating heart and bruised body still wanting to thrive

a little push to pull me from the edge
a shoulder to lean on is all i fetch

somebody, anybody to shake some sane sense into me
when the noose around my neck constricts tightly

i wish i could just speak whatever is bottled within
and maybe that could save me from committing this sin

but who? how? when? and what? could help this failing will
a person, a parent, a sign or a shrink would help me before i ****?
or is there one another being who'll be there?
-the one standing behind the mirror with a sanguine stare
133 · Nov 2022
whore
Påłpëbŕå Nov 2022
a derogatory word says dictionary
an insult it is say
all the old books in the library
that i read the other day,

a closed mind and open legs
a desolate woman who sells herself
instead of choosing to work or beg,

the one found in brothels
and places no one speaks of
yet she's present on every man's intel
is something that makes me scoff!

why does "*****" sound so sad
but not when it is prefixed with "man"
is it because of boys who are bad
are fantasies of feminine future plans?

so dear reader ask you i
what does the word "*****" signify?
if you've ever been called one
to it, how did you reply?
132 · Aug 2021
finally
Påłpëbŕå Aug 2021
i wish i could love like the sun
so selflessly wholesome
for someone could i passionately burn
expecting nothing in return
but i ain't no saint
i am pretty selfish
because i do wish
for you to look at me too
i know it isn't fair
thus i won't further share
but that one glimpse of yours
made my day for sure
i know i shouldn't trouble you
but only if i knew
how to go back in time
and stop myself from calling you mine
finally.........9 days later, but who's counting ;)
2220 has an all new meaning for me

things don't get better by worrying about them everything's going to fine in no time
129 · Jul 2021
Untitled
Påłpëbŕå Jul 2021
I don't know why
I'm writing at this hour
when all I want to do
is look at the stars
feel their warmth
and love their light
understanding darkness
by learning from the bright
I know I'm damaged
to an extent of no repair
but still a part of me
believes in human care
to be wanted for who I am
-a mess arranged in layers
hard to know, harder to love
but never a betrayer
I'm confused. I'm scared. I've been talking too much and feeling too much lately. I don't like this. But I cannot give up looking for him everyday. I can't give away my self-pride......and go all in because I know, like all other areas of my life, even here I am alone. Then why do unrequited feelings mess with my head? I didn't want him to look at me before, but now a small part of me thinks- how would it feel to be looked at? I know I'm not built for this stuff. Then why am I throwing myself at him? The question is...........why do I still like him? Why isn't this just like any other obsessions of mine? What if he likes someone else and I'm clueless?
126 · May 2023
stockholm syndrome
Påłpëbŕå May 2023
as the sun goes down
and the moon takes it's place,
it enlightens the dark town
like a lover's warm embrace

i look for him in night's glow,
step - by - step i try to trace,
where and why did he go?
~taking away all my solace

i see nothing but twinkling stars
and a deep-dark cloudy face,
that stays hidden in a sky so far
reeking of monstrosity and menace

petrified and spooked i start to run
with fear coursing through my veins,
i find a beautiful house with no one
but a bleeding girl in gruesome chains.

she cries and asks for help,
but nobody listens when she yelps

so i walk towards her and freeze
when her hair are moved by the breeze

because i see none other than a younger me
who wails and shouts to be set free,
but i stay there for as long as i can see
crushed under his evil spell of profanity.

'he left me in dusk
and i waited for dawn,
burning in loathsome lust
he treated me like his pawn.


and now?

now i am back in the crowds
wrapped in solemn shrouds,
fighting for a life of love and care
devoid of nightmares and scare.

but my mind is no longer mine
scarred to the bones, i will never be fine
for i see illusions in my delusions
that even after all these infusions-
my head hurts and my healing heart pains
my love for my captor has driven me insane
-a proposed condition in which hostages develop a psychological bond with their captors
Påłpëbŕå Sep 2020
There's a man I love; There's a woman I crave.
There are feelings I have; There's a thought I save.
There was a sight I saw; There was a sound I heard,
There were things to say and not just a few words!

There was a future I had; There were memories I clad.
There was a book where I lived; There was a chapter where I was killed.

But like me she was too proud to stay,
And like me he was the best player of the game we played.
She was the purest sin I ever committed;
He was the darkest dress that ever fitted!

Her beauty was a drug, her brain was my undoing,
But like all other addictions, it ended up *******!
His touch ignited my demons, his laughter filled my misery,
And later he ****** magic out of our love like one of his many trickeries.

She built me once and broke me twice,
She was the only virtue among my other vice*
He held me close and made me dream,
Then left me alone in shock and scream.
And all this time I sit here and wonder,
What would life have been with her still under!

And all these years I've been as cold as ice,
Thinking about the storm that promised warmth in disguise.
She was and will always be mine,
In hate, in love, in redemption and crime.
Her heart shall beat for me because mine still does,
Her mind and soul, her body and fuzz.
All of her has my name imprinted,
Even though she remains hidden behind her windows tinted.

My body still trembles for him,
My locks still know his fingers even as they stand trim.
My lips can feel his- every time I close my eyes,
He is still remembered- even to my own despise!

Forgetting the past should have been easier,
Falling for someone else shouldn't have sounded sleazier!
We both know who we are and whom we want,
And that is why our history still haunts.
And then there's a future we will die to flaunt,
With us, with him, with her. And that fact shall always daunt.
120 · Oct 2022
empty
Påłpëbŕå Oct 2022
and sitting in a room full of people
i feel empty inside
a whole world of misery stares
behind a smile so warm and wide
that it hurts my face
and makes me feel sick
how could i be so stupid
for letting him do his trick
like magic he made me happy
only to leave me sad
how could i look for goodness
in a boy who only wanted to be bad
i always prided myself that i am better
for i won't let an ******* play with me
yet here i am today
with nothing but a turbulent-teary sea
hope kills
Påłpëbŕå Dec 2023
stood i in a corner away from you
trying to keep my distant view
of the finest specimen had i ever seen
never in such proximity had i been
for you were my nemesis, sworn in blood
yet the very sight of you turned me into a dud
because my brain cells shortcircuited
making me look at you on their own accord
and every moment our eyes connected, i regretted
because that made you someone i allured
so with every contact between our eyes
filled i myself with even more despise
because your mere presence derailed me
pushed me off my balanced sadly
and all that was left of silly me
was a puddle of shame and lost integrity
i didn't know that a simple stare would be enough
to put these inappropriate images of us
in the head that once plotted your demise
how did i get here, is a ******' surprise
so should i let this attraction make me do stuff
that'd be irreversible and testing my luck that's tough
maybe ******* you out of my system will let me be
my old self that hated you on the highest degree
or control these impulses and more
since with time, i will go back to before
why suddenly it's my wild blood pumping vigorously
begging to be tamed by your touch oh not so gently?
115 · Dec 2023
past present future tense
Påłpëbŕå Dec 2023
dreaming of a future i still sleep in the past
no thoughts of the present shall ever last
because in my masochism all i deeply crave
is to build my house on a ******' grave
i miss who i was and yet don't want to be her
why isn't life ever clear but a burdening blur
everything i believed in no longer exists
changes too bold, is what life insists
but i ain't ready to move forward yet
or am i? but still do i fearfully fret
how did i talk to strangers for hours?
listening to their tales of scars and stars
i am back to that time when pressed i
hearts on people's stories for no reason why
but don't know if i want to be that person again
desperate for affection and easy prey to pain
i have a beautiful human around me
who sees me and still loves me infinitely
yet i feel this way and it is beyond my comprehension
-what is future if not the past's present extension?
114 · Sep 2020
So? Sigh! Tea.
Påłpëbŕå Sep 2020
From the time I took my first breath;
To the time I'll greet my death,
The one that'll be my fraternity,
Is the SOCIETY.

From the time I first used my brain;
To the time I'll be in Alzheimer's chains,
The one that will judge my capacity,
Is the SOCIETY.

From the time I first knew of God;
To the time I know about all the frauds,
The one thing that will be my sanctity,
Is the SOCIETY.


From my colour to my creed,
From my wedding to when I'll breed;
From my career to my passion,
From my shoes to my fashion;


Everything is all about "THEM"
But I ask you reader, who the hell are they?
Its my skirt and hence, I choose the length of its hem!
So, sigh and drink your tea because your interference is NOT OKAY.
113 · Sep 2020
Påłpëbŕå Sep 2020
For every boon there's a bane,
For every mad there's a sane.
For every love there's a hate,
For every human there's a mate.
For every word there's a rhyme,
For every emotion there's a mime.
For every ugly there's a beauty,
For every shirker there's a duty.
For every pain there's a pleasure,
For every heart there's an embrasuer.
For every belief there's a myth,
For every innocent there's some filth.
For every sinner there's a saint,
For every thought there's some taint.
For everything there's something.
Påłpëbŕå Jul 2023
i thought i'd date a poet
who'd sing me ballads and sonnets
of love, life and the glitters
of universe that showers comets

i thought i'd fall for a bad boy
who'd make me lose my balance
for whom i'd do stuff
that would put me off my semblance

i thought i'd love a stranger
and we'd talk for hours with our eyes
looking at each other's souls
for a little while longer

i thought i'd be heads over heels
for a guy who'd match my crazy
and together we'd get lost
in things that the world finds hazy

i thought i'd......live a different life
something out from a novel or movie
with lots of romance and rife
like elevator *** & making out in the lobby

but here i am with this amazing boy
who sees the real me and still loves me-indefinitely

he was my friend for two years
and the life-support i never thought i needed
from our mutual care for each other
-a love so sweet seeded

and now as i lay in his arms after periods of bliss
wonder i, how lucky i got when he decided to paste a kiss
on my lips, my neck, my shoulder, my hands
taking me to places and those unknown lands

we couldn't be any different, but we're same on so many levels too
i didn't know before him- to mean it, when i say "i love you"
and even if we don't work out and drift apart one day
i want him to remember that in my prayers, he shall always stay
i love you
109 · Jul 10
HELIOS
Påłpëbŕå Jul 10
you're too bright for me to even look at you
a whole another being, a different view
you've had your set of troubles know i this
yet there isn't an experience that you ever miss
diligent can't define you and neither can consistent
because you're nothing short of a superhuman who's persistent
you're a god in my eyes and i’m a mere peasant
a full moon to my half-*** crescent
i have looked at you and got burned to my bones
danced to your tunes and sung you overtones
hated you once but have loved you always
yet here i am writing about you on days
when i should be focusing on my litttle universe
but i can’t really ever escape your orbit, something i shall always curse
109 · Jan 14
to be or not to be
Påłpëbŕå Jan 14
i wish to remove this piece of clothing and show off my skin
unblemished yet scarred i lay in my bed wanting to commit sin
the temptation to **** my morals off and become an ******* is so strong
that i wish to be bad and feel good when i do something wrong
i am tired of being this version of myself- weak, virtuous, wise, vulnerable
that in my years of living fairy tales i am making ******' folks and fables
guys out there have never really looked at me
in me they find nothing good enough to see
a grandma wrapped in loose clothes and a tight bun
is so **** dull to touch or have a substantial amout of fun
i have a gift of pushing people away and putting them off
always ******' smiling or crying in corners, i am a laughing stock
i can be the hottest and sexiest woman in my head
but in reality i am ******' lame to my bones, that said-
i can neither become a nerd properly nor live recklessly,
this is chaining my soul to a place i don't belong, honestly
at this point i don't even know what do i need
stuffing my face with bulshit, these pretty little lies do i feed
the road i take takes me to places i don't fit in
and this happens because i ain't comfortable in my own skin
all these years, i wonder where has my confidence been
longing for someone to match my wavelength, my flames' twin
i have wasted my breaths on things that don't matter
in the silence of my suffering i have become immune to chatter
so speak i out about my problem and affairs
thinking that they who listen honestly do care
maybe they do and maybe they don't give two *****
about me aiming for stars or my self-esteem taking hits
why can't i be a private person and stay shut?
to live, why do i need the pain of a bleeding cut
why am i not normal but being normal is not what i want
this confusion, dichotomy and paradox is what haunts
*"to be or not to be"...................................
or be blind and pretend to nerve see
105 · Feb 23
aresandaphrodite
Påłpëbŕå Feb 23
you're everywhere i go,
your presence does flow
why is it that it's your face i see
wide awake or in my dreams?
your hair so distinct, i want to feel them
your eyes so piercing, i want to touch them
how you look at me is what makes my heart stop
how bizzare is this that your voice makes everything else crop
you become the centre of my attention, my universe
and thinking of things i wish to do to you makes me perverse
but our timing has never been right
against our situations we can't fight
so all we do is stare at each other's soul
because being with each other will take a toll
on my already beautifully bruised heart
oh baby, we've been cursed from the very start
i never understood why did they happen
98 · Oct 2020
RaDaR
Påłpëbŕå Oct 2020
One fine day as I walked to my car,
I saw him exiting that bar,
His gaze was set afar,
But mine were drawn to his scar.
He felt my stare's power,
So questioned-"Who you are?
I felt my mouth open ajar,
So I saved the hour,
Walked I to him like some avatar,
"You pull my strings as good as you play your guitar,
Its been years since you've been on my radar"
Gaped he and became ready to spar,
So I kissed him and and tasted some cigar,
He eyed me like a jaguar,
So I smiled at my rockstar,
He might find all this bizarre,
But for me it was at par,
Showed him I my very own scar,
Recognised me and remembered the day of our mar,
The story of 'our'
Shall always remain on the jar
For lovers we were crossed-stars!

We read the same, just in opposite directions,
For I had my memories and he had some reflections.
Our flaws were our identities, thence, we were always on each-other's radars;
But the black boxes failed us and turned our;
Sweet-innocent love sour!
Påłpëbŕå Feb 21
i looked at him because he was my solace
my sanity in this world of chaos and craze
he wiped my tears and made me laugh
fixing people was his favourite craft
a broken doll did he choose to repair
helped her collect her pieces with care
he healed her slowly, layer by layer
and she longed for him, her heart so fragile
that today it's his ghost for which she smiles
if love had to end then why did it begin
how can losing somebody be a win
because now her demons have left but so has he
she wishes to go back in time and broken forever be
because she believes that she cursed him with her presence
and with this thought she's living her days in repentance
Next page