I want to be alone,

I want every park bench to be empty and cold. I want to sit on the sturdiness of loneliness and feel the harshness of success. You don’t know me. No one does. I want to travel this city barefoot to feel every struggle and perseverance slip between my toes. I hate my feet. I want to hear the screams of frustrated men and women creeping through the alley. I pray for silence.  I want to feel the wholeness within me spring up with longevity and curiosity. I love to cry. I want you to be here with me holding my trembling hands. I crave to be alone. I dream of a world that I own that consist of just me, I want to run wild and free, while the wind tussles my hair with no mercy. I miss you. I want to remember no one, not even me so that way I can roam in this world with no attachments not even to my pride or standards. Don’t forget me. I want to hear the echoes of the moon whispering to the ****** on the dampened slick grass. I wait for morning. I want to sink my teeth into the tears of the earth, letting it fill the gaps as I slush around the meek but salty taste to feel alive. I have always needed braces. I long for the arrogance of man to cease to exist. I long for their stupidity.  I see you standing there in the middle of my paradise, I see the sun falling down on your shoulders, I see the woman behind you and the crowd of people with her. I see them not knowing who I am and I see there blankness stare of “care”.  I see their smiles inviting me in with yours as it starts to drizzle dreams, gliding down everyone’s pulsating hearts. I walk to you. I want to be alone.

Your eyes are telling a tale
Everywhere you go

Your steps are making rhythms
silent and slow

Your head was never high
Nor does your voice

Every tremble of your hands
Every quiver on your lips
I know.

Some things happen
But I can't seem to figure.

                               When they left themselves,
                                        They disappeared like affection.

It's been 1 year, 4 months, 3 days since our regret.

                                                                 I'm alive but slowly dying.
                         What's the difference?
Do I yield in the pool which draws me in.

                                                                    Come back and stay.

Is it the same for you?

I am in love with a boy
Who was born blind
In his left eye
I had no idea until one day
His grandmother decided
To fill me in
And I almost laughed because
I saw no tell-tale signs
of this affliction
And like a small child
Acting on a prediction
I covered your eye with
My hands and asked,
"So you can't see me?"
Our noses nearly touching
But our souls feeling far
"No," he replied
"But I  don't need to
To know how beautiful you are."

Can’t catch this hue of you
I’m a scathing black in the midnight blues
An overcast sky, blanketing blister-paced eyes
Hangs right above my neck

I’ve brewed restless ache
It settles deep in the space
Between my lusts and restraints
Scared to death either way

I’ve let the blood in my skin
Sink into bones and teeth
Crimson flush under limbs
Stiffer than death

I’m all I lack

As the rain pelts down this New Years Eve
I form a gentle smile at my reprieve

The rain has pelted in years before
Years in which my soul would in anger roar

Lost in the wilderness of my stormy mind,
Buried in a body to which I hadn't been kind

Screaming and wailing, unnoticed, ignored
In a body forgotten, in a mind grown bored

But as with everything a change eventually came,
A chance to delve into sorrow or to remain tame

I opted for sorrow in search of some light
The only path meandering out of my dark night

There were battles and mountains, scratches and falls
Moments of despair and unanswered calls

But onwards I stumbled, tripped, crawled and fell
Finally out of my own bleak and self created hell

Tender, deflated, worn but with hope
Growing, understanding, believing I'd cope

And now I sit on my bed in this years final rain,
And remember fondly my journey, my aching, my pain

I travelled it, lived it, each high, each low
And now sitting here I smile, because I now know

It's me, It is I, She who's empowered
I who can choose to be me or a coward

It's not what becomes of us or where we each go
It's within us all, it's what we all know

I can't change my past years nor would I want to
They're my foundation, the reason I found you

The strength, the beauty, the wisdom in me
I've finally accepted it and set it all free

So I'll begin this New Year unlike those before
With no big promises but with love at my core

For myself and my loved ones, for both friend and foe
Showing compassion for all with what I now know.

The rain has abated and now I must sleep
Content in my soul, happy and deep

Light after darkness, smile after tear.
What we seek lives in each of us, Happy New Year.