through cycles of laughter and anger
for the smallest of reasons,
you cut me off as i say “but
it’s-”

lost, the words i search for,
scavenging, but not found
x marks the spot but the map lies within
you


the ocean that separates us figuratively,
literally, as the tide rolls in to cover the last remains
of a thought not said, just left as
that

emotions masked by a blank stare
as that’s the only option
where does the problem lie, in
i?

if we can’t see eye to eye
why would i wait for a lie
to turn into a dream if that’s not what i
want

dreams are meant to be chased
but how can that be when i see
differently, just to hold on to hope and say
“but-”

six feet remain available
but the hole too deep to dig
i can’t **** a dream if i can’t write the
will

and i push myself to believe
but some things aren’t meant to be
even though i don’t like to say
never

but this time maybe
and i can only hope
but it’s easy to hope for something you don’t
have


and it’s easy to say it’s me
how could it be you
When the issue is that
i’m

not in a position to have you close
not mentally or physically
and i think it’s because i’m
too

caught up in my own world
i reach and hope and pray and wish
but you’re too
far

and if it’s not meant to be
then where’s the sign
no hands to tell, so it’s indefinitely
away

because there’s no time to tell
and no time to figure it out
and i’m not there, so there’s no time
to

ask, or talk, so silently,
i watch and listen
and wait on
hold

however long that may be
my heart and hope lies within
myself, and the faith in
you


awareness in one,
and the other unaware of the awareness
because i’m just
the

boy from far away
the wanderer, the dreamer
hoping that the
girl

far away can one day
watch my dream come true
as i say “hey, i’m
from

far away, and i’ve been dying
to meet you, and i’ve been longing
and i figured i’d find you in
france”

but for now i find you in my dreams
as i grasp onto wavering faith
dreaming, hoping
that

one day i can find you
and when i do, i’ll tell you about these dreams
and make promises that
i’ll

keep, but, it might be time
to recognise the truth
that it will happen
never

truth is, you never cut me off
because you’re the girl from france,
the one i’ll never
have


it’s you that i want but will never have
i’m too far away to hold you
the girl from france that i’ll never have

i left so soon

i wonder if i’ll ever get to see you again


i didn’t even see you that night,
but when i met you in that other place,
i didn’t even realise,
what had come over me.

i didn’t even see you that night,
but i thought in that other space,
as wanton boys to flies-
what are you to me?

who are we to be?
i struggle to agnise,
and find any pace,
with lack of sight.

who you are to me,
either my demise,
or a romantic ace,
i’ll just think tonight.

there wasn’t much time anyway
not that first day
or the second day
we knew i had to go away

but part of me was praying
what you were saying
is what i was saying
because there was no staying

we had to go
and now i know
i hope you know
but do you though

and as i ponder
and i wander
and as you wander
i hope we grow fonder

maybe it won’t be where we met,
it could be back in that spot,
it could be where i know you are,
i just hope we meet again.

maybe it won’t be where we met,

it could be where i was when you were gone,
or it could be that you’d look for me where i am just for me to be away,
or maybe we’d find a new place where we’d be delightfully surprised to see each other again,
or maybe it’s not meant to be and we’re not meant to find each other.

maybe i’m just crazy,

i could be lost in emotion trying to claw my way out of hopelessness,
or i could be delusional and hoping for too much from nothing,
or maybe i can sense the feeling from you these many miles away,
or maybe i’m alone in feeling.

because i didn’t even get to see you that night,
i found you in a place i didn’t expect,
i’m not even sure if you found me.

i don’t know if you still think of me,
maybe it’s wrong because of the time and place,
because i didn’t even get to see you that night.

i didn’t even get to see you in that place;
you weren’t at home.

and i was a traveller too;
i wasn’t at home.

what i hoped to find,
i found elsewhere,
in a different place,
in another world.

i still found you there,
it’s not the same,
it’s a different place,
it’s not my home.

i hoped we could talk,
maybe we could reconcile,
but as i walk,
it may not be worth our while.

unless it’s fate to meet in that place,
i move along to another space.

the thought runs through my mind,
and hope as well,
that i can find,
and i can tell,

that person i met elsewhere that i’m sorry,
i’m sorry i left so soon,
and i’m sorry that i found you elsewhere.

i hope that i find you home,
i hope that it’s not too late,
and i hope that you’re still there.

i didn’t even see you that night,
i hope that next time you’ll be there,
instead of some other place.

instead of some other place,
please be there,
because that night,


i left so soon

i wonder if i’ll ever get to see you again

the last of my breddahs i’m just following suit
at the end of the day i’m still that same ol’ yute
twenty one now, i hope you get there too
cuz if you ain’t here, i know you’ll get here soon

and perspective is mad cuz i was once you
an ambitious little boy with some radical views
cravin’ for a chance to receive and shoot
like Laca in the box, cuz i would take that too

but what i would do
just might not be true
to what you would do
but if i asked myself now what would i do
then i’d get the same answer like two plus two
cuz i still got my views

and let’s be honest
i ain’t really changed much
at least i think i haven’t cuz i really ain’t exchanged much
different ideologies and people ain’t been sayin' much
other than this same old same old for these same months

cuz kamala this and donald trump that
is no different to me than what ’16 had
the same old story pulled out the same hat
but we don’t draw the lines to try to change that

we move
and fall into a groove
even though it’s bumpy when we're wishin' it was smooth
cuz
life is always twistin' throughout different routes
i guess that’s why we always try to stay close to our roots

cuz if we never have to travel in search of our truths
then we can say the life we lived is closest to truth
am i saying that to say i’m worse off than you?
just because i’ve strayed further than you?

i think it’s mad
and honestly i’m glad
i’ve seen so many cities that i never thought i’d have
the chance of seeing
and instances of being
surrounded by some people that i never thought would be in
my life, and i’m grateful
for what they’ve brought to my table
if my last supper was today then to all of them i’m faithful

because
too many times we see some **** go south
saying words that shouldn’t leave our mouths
words that turn into action with a  punch in the mouth
and then it’s EMS, ambulance, blackin’ out
and it’s the USA so hospital be cost amounts

of money that we ain’t got
so we divert from those actions and those nasty thoughts
cuz if the cost of death is higher than the price of life
why wouldn’t i try to see the beauty in the strife
and never let some nasty words tell me how to live my life

that's mad
cuz i’ve seen some of my people take that **** real bad
when i’m on the pitch i can’t say i’ve not had
experiences like that
where i’m contemplating whether to abandon match
or to let that pass

but still, i’m here
my body and mind are intact
and i still got these same breddahs behind my back
and this same family to watch my back

and only experience and those people contribute to my repertoire
and only form my skillset when i’m well-aware i’ve set their bar
and those who haven’t done that yet should know exactly  who they are
because they’d know they aren’t far

because i’m only 21 and i hope that i still have lots of life left to give
i hope that my people can sort out their problems like it’s flour in a sieve
i hope we continue to broaden our horizons like Sid Meyer’s Civ
and most importantly i hope we remember to take a deep breath

and live

enjoy, pree more life
find the beauty in the struggle and strife
as we continue to strive
and find ourselves as we get surprised
by the courses of life for which we must improvise

another milestone, and another celebration
offering another chance at self-recalibration
as goals yet to be achieved are still the final destination
or so we hope to fulfil imagination

so,
twenty-one years on this planet and now i'm forced to look in one direction
forced to find my style even when it’s gettin' hairy and i'm facin' deflection
forced to go forward even if there’s a wall with no intention
of breaking down because i have to break those barriers using nothing but a mirror,
my reflection

i saw you again
the visit wasn’t long
but there’s something odd
that just bothers me
i think you’re a friend
i know something’s wrong
i gave you a nod
you nodded to me
i know what you don’t
i saw you last night
i’ll see you again
i know that you won’t
you won’t change, won’t fight
but please don’t pretend
that you are different
you are not, i am
you are consistent
but i’m not the same man