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  Aug 2016 Victoria Jennings
Styles
If I could be anywhere in the world,
                      I'd pick being in your heart forever.
The worst thing she does to herself
Is talk about you like you were
Just there and everyone missed you
Like somehow your shadow
Is still standing beside her

She does this to pretend she's not alone
She does this because for seven years
Of her short life you were there
Weaving in and out
Weaving your way into her soul

And now finding anyone else
To weave into herself
Seems pretty **** impossible
So instead she thinks of you
And let's her heart ache

She has so much love
So very much
And now has no one to give it to
Just her empty memories.
One day I hope you wake up
And miss me the way I missed you for so long.

I hope you realize all we could've been.
With every step she takes
She looks back
Still hoping
You'll be right there
Behind her
Ready to catch her
Ready for her.
All Great Loves Look Back
Hey there,
I know we don't know each other very well, but I thought you ought to know how much I love you. I've waited my whole life for a man so wonderful, a man who maybe, just maybe, could love me in the same insane way I love him. I know my love of ice cream and the color green is a bit crazy and that I can be wild and weird but that's something I hope you'll learn to love. We can watch science fiction series together and have snacks, of which I got way too many. You'll kiss me all the time and it'll always make me smile. You won't look at me like I'm a total loon when I refer to you as the father of my cats, or at least I hope. You'll watch the same Friends reruns with me whenever they're on. You'll soothe me when my anxiety is bad. You will always be extra careful when we are making love because you understand what I've been through. Hopefully, you believe in aliens and bigfoot like me because that would be so cool. If I'm lucky enough to find you please know I'm not good at letting go and that I will love you so much, even if sometimes I try to act independent and self-sufficient. I hope you're real because I have so much love to give and it's hard when you have no one to love. It can get pretty confusing but I think once I meet you it'll all become clear.
                 Until we meet my love.
When she drives by old places the two of you use to visit
She slows down just to stare a little longer,
Ignoring all other vehicles
Because you are more important
Because you always were
She put you first so many times
You put her second and third and
Sometimes she wondered if she mattered at all
So sometimes she cries herself to sleep
Not out of anger or frustration or even loneliness
But because of how long it has been since she has been held
Because it has been so **** long
Since a kiss has made her feel her heart in her toes
Sometimes she misses you
Not because she has no one else
But because she knows there will never be anyone else
You were her every wish and prayer come true
As selfish and terrible as it may seem
She wanted you
Just you, in any way you would take her
You were her entire world and the worst part
Is that you still show up in her dreams.
She still smiles at the way he laid in her lap.
Or at least the memory of it

She still cries when she thinks of him calling her a liar
Because she always told him the truth

She still smiles when she thinks of the way he held her
And how it was the only place she felt safe

She still cries remembering him leaving her for the 8th time or so
Wonders if he knew how broken she was in the end

She still smiles when she thinks of their grand plans
Such a beautiful future

She still cries when she imagines the child she could not share with him
Her first love, whose child would've been beautiful

She still smiles at the thought of his name and wonders
Does he ignore it when he hears my name called out
Or does he grimace, am I memories to him anymore?

Are they good, bad or totally forgotten, am I just a shadow
Of what once was, am I the memories?
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