how many times can i fall in love with the idea
of a person
how many times will someone fall in love with
the idea of
me

went to an old friend's wedding.
turned to watch her walk the aisle,
and there you were.
a half second glimpse
then i looked to the ground.
i chewed my nails
to the point of bleeding.
and drank my coffee black.
and kept looking at the ground.
because i feel
completely inadequate
when i see your new girl.
and you with someone else
still kills me.
and i cried the whole way home
thinking about the fact
that i'll never
hug you again.

i'm wearing your gold on my finger, it shines
in the light of your sun as you linger in mine
sharing a space that is no space at all
and the sunset would reason 'too early for fall'
i kiss and i whisper to someone in dreams
I don't know them but they know me, it seems
fear of a wandering tongue that speaks
and breaks the vows we vow to keep
I disavow,
now weep.

I make jokes about how I starve myself because I am starving myself

if I didn't make it look
this good,
someone might think
there's something wrong

once you're gone people will remember things they were blinded to before, but one thing will resonate, like sound waves that never fade. its how you made them feel. what you stirred inside of them. what you provoked that not every individual could. i'll wish my remembrance to be echoes of laughter and vibrant emotion, thunder full of passion, an outlook resembling fresh air. a melody full of rhythm and soul, i wish to fill lungs with winds of tenderness and mouths with sweet gooey nectar. ears with flowers blooming so rapidly they become hanging gardens. eyes fixed on the one above. a new perspective, heights i'll forever wish to show you.

12 miles total
5 miles up
it starts pouring
i slip in muck
slice my hand
it starts to bleed
the throbbing pain
just what i need
to remind me
i have more to give
despite the downs
still life to live

You hurt for me
You hurt with me
And you weep.

Compassion.

I hurt for You
I hurt with you
And I weep.

Your heart overflowed in mine.

in the morning my blood is cold,
there's chips of ice crawling around my heart
And it paralyzes me.
my mind has control over my body.
it's hard to breathe like this.

I'm so cold I'm shaking.
my lips are blue and
My skin has frostbite all over,
But I'm the only that can see the damage

I get looks of pity
when I try to claw out of my body,
I sliced through my legs and arms
I tried to make an escape

there's a war inside of me that I can't seem to appreciate
please please please, leave me be.