my mind constantly cluttered with thoughts of us.
what we had, what we wanted.
but you took those thoughts, and made them razor blades.
every time i think of you, i’m cut, i’m cut so deep.
the blood is comforting, it’s warm.
just like your hugs.
the blood is sweet, like the taste of your lips, but it’s also bitter.
so bitter and so sweet just like you, my dear

and here we are again.
in school i was told never to begin a sentence with and, but, maybe, however, because.
but here we are again
doing the the things we shouldn't.
maybe if we were older we would be wiser
like our parents or teachers, role models of every kind of failed relationship there is.
however i find hope in every bit of our disaster
you say we are two trains headed for a head on collision, but i dont care.
because i like the way you taste when we burn into flames
the teachers may have been right, but you break all my rules time and time again.

Remember we were gonna leave this city and make a life for ourselves. We were gonna dance and laugh and buy too many plants and listen to as much live music as possible and prove everyone wrong and kiss and hold hands and fall even more in love everyday. Remember when you promised that.

i love the feeling of falling in love with someone. it’s like i have strawberry fields growing in my stomach i don’t know.

I'm sorry you missed the day I came home.
I'm sorry you left my Mum all alone.
I'm sorry you missed the first time I walked.
And I'm sorry you missed the first time I talked.

I'm sorry you missed tucking me in at night.
I'm sorry you missed turning off my light.
I'm sorry you missed me getting my first fright.
And I'm sorry you weren't there to tell me it's alright.

I'm sorry you never really cared,
Never bothered to make a call.
In fact, I'm not sorry in the slightest bit.
I'm not sorry at all.

You should be sorry,
Sorry to me,
And sorry to all of us,
For what you couldn't be.

A Dad is supposed to love,
Protect, worship and care.
A Dad is supposed to do all of this,
But most importantly be there.

But you couldn't provide,
Protect or care.
You couldn't worship.
And you couldn't be there

Because you made the choice
To never try with me.
Sure, you're on and off now,
But it's just too late, you see.

I mean, I get it now.
And although this makes me sad...
You will always be my father.
You'll just never be my Dad

This isn’t a poem,
It’s a confession.
A confession of all the horrible things I’ve done.
1. I tend to break hearts of innocent people
2. I push people away that need me most
3. I lead people on
4. I give false hope
5. And lastly, I still love you.

I don’t understand how people… live. It’s amazing to me that people wake up every morning and say: ‘Yeah, another day, let’s do it.’ How do people do it? I don’t know how.

My therapist asked,
"How do you prepare for your day?"
I simply replied
"i count my lies and find my mask."

The sky cry’s
A scream of frantic worship
You pant the bitter wind
As rain and sea rip into me
Smearing blood over the rocks
I let the storm crush me.

When she puts her arms around you,
she will make you feel safe,
but rarely will she take you in her arms.
she will call you late at night
when the radio is playing her favorite song
and tell you how much it reminds her of you.
But these are the same songs
that she has dedicated to those before you.
Listen to her when she is crying
its one of the only times
she will tell you the truth.
she will pretend to understand you, and you'll believe her
when she says she loves all your flaws.
she will tell you she wants all
the same things you do, but she doesn't.
she doesn't know what she wants.
she will tell you
that you are the only thing she needs, but you aren't.
she will want others.
she will believe she is always right
even when she's not and you know she's not,
but you'll stop arguing anyway.
you'll stay because her selfishness and her recklessness
don't seem less than ordinary.
Everyone around you will constantly say how beautiful she is,
a work of art, someone extraordinary.
Until the day she shows the true colors underneath her mask.
They will be dark and dangerous and in your hesitation,
you might survive.
You might just dodge a bullet.
For the person who loves her next,
Because i couldn't.

In our rib cage lies our heart
Protected
But people can reach inside and cause chaos.
When this happens
Remind yourself that you are not a burden.

you stabbed my back,
it spewed the lies I told

all i can say is sorry.  
sorry that i was your punching bag who fought back.

i cant write a good poem no matter how hard i try.
all of them are my previous heartbreaks or my future heartbreaks.
help me please.

jealousy is a stupid word.
What it should mean is that i know how easy it is to fall in love with you, thats why i'm scared.

I wish everything was like it used to be.
Those simple days when we walked hand in hand.
I wish we could go back to the days where your head would fit perfectly in my neck.
The days where we would just lay and do nothing.
Where we could cuddle and stay warm.
The days where we loved each other with our whole hearts.
The days where just seeing you smile was all I needed to be happy.
I wish I could just be with you again and see that gorgeous smile.

"Even the sky reminds me of you"
Of course it does, its the same sky we stood under.

i
have
been
cursed
with
the
inability
to
love

I have razor blade sheets
for you to tuck me into
while the guilt you caused ate away at the love we had.

Burn my soul.
You need to stay warm, right?

You didn’t want “just friends”
So now we’re nothing
I was scared to leave her
Not like that
You pushed and I fell
Into bed with you
But what did that give us?
Razor blade sheets for you to tuck me into
The guilt ate away at the love I had for you
I needed time

Sorry for all the bad things I did, I was too immature for what we had, I really learned how to be a better person with time and learned from all my mistakes, but it is too late now. It is sad how I miss you so much but to you I'm probably just a lot of bad memories, I hope one day our paths cross again, even if just as friends, I would **** just to have a laugh with you again.

overwhelming and revealing
this amazing feeling,
this ache i crave, this desire,
this emotion you inspire.

Beautiful, unexpected, never to part,
a collision between two hearts,
passionate and pure.
this is love for sure.
-love, carson.

Everything
I do
Is
Always
Wrong
In your
Eyes

If those are your friends, you are really lonely

Your skin is a waste of space.
There is no heart in you.

Dear mom,
You point out everything i do wrong.
I have 4 other brothers and yet i'm still the first to be framed.
I am depressed and you know this,  i take medication and I wrote a poem about,  would you like to hear it?  
probably not.
But if you do, hear it is, mom.

Being sober makes me think
My medicine makes me numb
My therapist doesn't know how to help me
My parents make me more depressed
I'm just overwhelmed

Humans are just ****** forms of DNA who bash on each other for no purpose except to feel better about them selves.

Crushed like ice
Like twenty tons have been thrown on my soul
You spoke those words that emitted through your vocal cords like venom
A snake you were
Looking through my eyes into my core
So delicately
You devised your plan to **** everything inside me
Skillfully you weaved your web, planted your trap
And with your love decoy blindfolded my logic
All that was open was my trust
Your weapon
You deceived, I believed
Your arms were so warm,
Now the only warmth I feel
Is that of my blood
Spilling from my soul
As my life swings carelessly
Like a pendulum
Back and forth
Higher and higher
But going nowhere
The five senses have gone numb
I scream louder and louder
But no one hears me
They speak, they call out to help
I cannot hear
Look at me, look at the nothingness you have brought onto me

The worst part, however, is not that you're a disappointment.
It's the permanent, never ending embarrassment
Of always failing and coming last

Is it weird I dont want you happy?  It's just when I'm happy at the same time... it feels so wrong, just wrong.

Replace all of the pain
with this Novocain
Reasons we broke up
It is me who we blame
and it drives me insane.  
All of the pain that you have caused
i can not withstand

Why would you give someone a sliver of hope and throw it down there throat.
You had a diamond and threw it, you threw it far away, and you picked up a rock.  
You.  you are the reason my ink bleeds through paper.  You are the reason my head aches.
But.  in the end its me who did it.

I dream about you,
Even though I dont sleep.

You ever wake up with your footie PJs warming

your neck like a noose? Ever upchuck

after a home-cooked meal? Or notice

how the blood on the bottoms of your feet

just won’t seem to go away? Love, it used to be

you could retire your toothbrush for like two or three days and still

I’d push my downy face into your neck. Used to be

I hung on your every word. Used to be. But now

I can tell you your breath stinks and you’re full of ****.

You have more lies about yourself than bodies

beneath your bed…

Some things, they just don't last
You can't get a prescription for that
Quit shoving these sugar pills down my throat
Cause I'm starting to choke

Im used to being see- through
but it feels so bad when it happens with you.

I guess it's back to the attic
im so dramatic
its so sad
but the last time i let someone inside
i was buried alive

when i looked at you i got butterflies,
but when you said "hey" it was pesticide

To turn the table
But I don't wanna turn to what you are becoming
And I see
All you've done for me

Not understanding that you’re a horrible person doesn’t make you less of a horrible person

i'm fueling the fire to keep us warm.
i burn everything to keep you warm.
even my soul

You mean to me what I never meant to you
So call me a fool

It’s not about being happy, that is the thing. I’m just trying to get through each day. I can’t keep asking myself ‘Am I happy? ‘ It just makes me more miserable. I don’t know If I believe in it, real lasting happiness, All those perky, well-adjusted people you see in movies and TV shows ? I don’t think they exist.

I don’t know what to tell you. I’m happy for the first time in my life and I’m not gonna feel bad about it. It takes a long time to realise how truly miserable you are and even longer to see it doesn’t have to be that way. Only after you give up everything can you begin to find a way to be happy

when you look at all my red flags through rose colored glasses all you see are flags.

Running, running
far away.
Escaping dreams
of yesterday.
Faster, faster
there I go.
Forgetting things
you'll never know.
Dying, dying
deep inside.
Find a place
for me to hide.
Catching, catching
up with me.
No more running
from reality.
Stopping, stopping
let me cry.
Finding a way
to say goodbye.

Angry
Mad
Livid
Furious
******
At you

Sad
Depressed
Heartbroken
Morose
Melancholy
Because of you

Unbreakable
Strong
Resilient
Flexible
Tough
In spite of you