It's not about his mental illness,
Don't get me wrong.
It's about how he used the empathy in me to his advantage,
And assumed abusing my heart would go on forever.
I got tired  of hoping the man I first loved would come back...
because clearly...
He was all just an act.

It was when I first found myself
So deep in a conversation,
Perhaps without any comas and fullstops.

It was then that I came back to my senses.
It was then when I first noticed
That my subconscious mind was imitating you in my speech,
It was then that I noticed how in your absence a bit of you still lingers.

There and then I was convinced,
Without a doubt that I was in love.

I miss having someone to glance through my eyes
And right into my soul,
Under the concealing smile,
And know that I am not okay.

I envy the woman you ended up with.
I bet she never needs to shed a tear or stay awake all night.

Burdened,
Pained.
At wits end,
Am close to giving up.
Maybe I have already,
but I still have to be strong.
Hold it up together,
I don't know for how long.
Patience faded a long time ago.
But I still hold together.
Not for myself,
Not because I wasn't to,
But because the world requires it to be so.

There is never too dark a poem,
Too dark a mind.
If the thought rages in you.
Let it out...
There is no reason to explain why.

You gave me a thousand reasons why,
You made it a mandate that I be with you.
You showed patience and care,
How Could not have believed you.

You painted a perfect picture of tomorrow,
A priceless canvas that would draw so many stares,
I fell for it, And I got glue.
How did I not see that it was all just an illusion.

You drew the curtain, and I saw the dark reality
Although you remembered every word I said,
You never tried to know me,
You 'crammed' your way into me,
Just so you could forget when you had me.

Surely the joke is on me,
You got me so fooled,
You made me think this was a happy ever after,
Clearly that kind of love only happens in fairytales.

You brought me so close to you.
Showed me how to be loved.
Mesmerized I slowly fell into your arms.
I held on so dearly,
Didn't want to live with the thought of what could have been.
But that I am here now  and you've turned so cold,
I don't even know who you really are any more.