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Michelle Jun 2021
I don’t want you to be a part of my life anymore.

I don’t want to experience the pain that comes with you

I don’t deserve the heartache that comes with loving you.
love me or let me go
Michelle Sep 2020
You said that after all these times, it’s always been me
But yet, I know that if you were placed in a room with all of us
I would not be the one you run to
Would not be the one you glace at first
Would not be the one who catches your eye

You'd look at her
in the blink of an eye
Michelle Mar 2020
the most beautiful eyes
                                                            ­are those that look at you with love
your eyes stopped shining ages ago
Michelle Apr 2020
i pray for my happiness

almost as much as i pray for yours
i just want to see you happy, can you want that for me too?
Michelle Mar 2020
days full of thoughts
nights full of tears

i am not your type
now, i do not say that in a way where i feel superior
because that statement hurts
but i am not your type
So why are you still with me
when i am not like those who attract you

why do you stay
when all i do is bring baggage
why do you stay when all i bring are difficulties and obstacles
why do you stay when i do is bring sadness
why not find someone who’s happy?

no one has my attention the way you do
and it hurts feeling like you can’t say the same
but please tell me
i’m not what you want
and i’ll wish you the best and be on my way
i’m sorry i wasn’t enough
Michelle Apr 2020
Because of you, the words "i love you" mean nothing
the three words i cherished the most
now hurt the most to hear

Because of you, it hurts to wear my black ring
because all i see when i close my eyes
is your smile from the day it was given to you

Because of you, i am scared of love
scared to give up on us
because i grew to love you
and ended up falling in love with you

But you don't fall out of love
and this is how i know you never fell in love in the first place
this wouldn't be easy for you
if you had fallen with me
i wanted us to be forever
Michelle Jun 2020
No one warns you about how bad it feels
how bad it feels to fall back into your worst habits
how bad it feels to wake up hurting
how bad it feels to witness yourself become the person you swore you'd never be again
how bad it feels to watch the one thing you love slip right through your fingertips
No one told me it would hurt this bad
I want to stop hurting
please make it stop
Michelle Aug 2021
don't you dare put all the blame on me when i run out of patience
as i sit here, bruised and bloodied, in a war zone you created
it is not my job to validate your conscience, or intentions
when  it seems like every choice you make is immature
and selfish
do not blame me for being upset over your selfish actions
Michelle Feb 2021
Any where you are
id walk through minefields
risk it all, to be close to you
one last time
Because these dreams i have of you
aren't real enough
this isnt fair for both of us
Michelle Jun 2020
I hope you never forget how much I love you
never forget how much you mean to me
never forget that I would cut any distance between us if I could
you will always be my everything
i hope it doesn't hurt you when i'm no longer around. I'll love you from beyond, forever
Michelle Apr 2020
i want to forget
every single day
i want to forget the way your hands felt upon my skin
i want to forget the bruises and scabs you left
when you only saw me as an object

I’d do anything to forget
Michelle Mar 2020
I hate you for all that are
For all that you’ve become
I hate the you that doesn’t care anymore
I hate the you that gave up on us
I hate that I can’t hate you at all

I hate that I always choose to see the best in you
I hate that I always defend you
Even when they’re right
I hate that I reject to see all the negative impacts you’ve made
I hate that I blind myself to who you are now
But I hate that I can’t hate you at all

I hate all the things you’ll never know you caused
All the nights I cried myself to sleep because I wasn’t enough for you
The days spent holding back tears because I was so scared of losing you
All the words written about you
All the hopes of us recovering because it feels like I’ve lost you
I hate that I can’t bring myself to hate you

I hate the days that go by that are full of dry conversations
I hate that I fight for those conversations
The ones you just brush off your shoulder
I hate the one-word answers and the nonchalant attitude you bring
I hate that I can’t hate you at all

I hate that this is just another thing to you
I hate that, even after, you said it wasn’t,
that’s all you portrayed it as
I hate that I’ll be seen as an option to you
I hate that your words can’t even change that anymore
I hate that I can’t hate you at all

I hate how empty your apologies have become
Hate how you can say you’re sorry,
But continue to do the same thing
And over,
And over again.
Do you not realize how much that hurts?
Can you not see the destruction you continue to cause?

I hate that I can’t hate you at all
Hate that I cannot bring myself to bury the love,
Even for a minute,
For a second.
I hate that I will forever see the you that I fell in love with,
While you see my flaws
Front and center.
I hate that I cannot,
Even for a second,
See the you that hurt me
I hate that I cannot hate you at all.
Michelle Mar 2020
In my dreams,
our story doesn't play out like this
the chapters are full of love and enchantment

In my dreams,
it's almost as if i can feel your touch
as if i can feel you with me
as if you never really left

In my dreams,
we get our happily ever after
our night at the ball
our romantic carriage ride

i don't think i want to wake up quite yet
a part of me wants to sleep forever
Michelle Mar 2020
I  want to see you happy,

genuinely happy,

joyful to your soul's extent,

even if it isn't with me.

I just want you to be happy.
Michelle Jul 2020
The best thing that's ever happened to me,
cannot and will not
be the thing that tears me down
Michelle Oct 2020
It was a privilege to love you,
and it was a privilege to let you go.
Both helped shape me into the person I have become.
i’ll love you for as long as allowed
Michelle May 2020
For nights on end,
I thought about the questions you failed to answer
questions you failed to know about
but i took everything within me to ask them now
i wish i never opened that window of conversations
i would not be hurting right now
Michelle Mar 2020
I wish nights like these didn’t exist
Nights where my worries and doubts overflow
Nights where all I feel is emptiness and absence
Where I feel like
There isn’t a tomorrow for us
Where isolation wasn’t the option I leaned towards the most
I wish nights like this didn’t exist

I wish I could talk to you about this
I wish I could tell you everything on my mind
Without having you feel like it’s your fault
I wish I could tell you everything’s going to be okay
That I’ll be fine
That we’ll be fine
And this is just a stupid phase for me
But why tell you something, I’m not completely sure of
I wish I could talk to you
No holding back
No hesitation

I wish I could tell you
About the nights that keep me up
The reason why I get no sleep anymore
But all that would do is cause worry

I wish I could tell you about the times where I feel terrible
About the days where I feel like I can’t handle us
Where I feel like we won’t survive another week
Where I feel like you’ll just run back to her
Or where I feel like you’ll just get tired of me
I wish I could believe the words you say to me
But how does one trust another, when accostumed to lies?
And maybe the day will come
When I will be able to tell you
That in the back of my mind, I have this planned out
That when I feel like you’ve gotten tired of me
When I feel like you don’t want this anymore
I’ll be the one that lets go
I’ll be the one that says
“I wish you nothing but the best, I love you.”
But maybe that’ll just stay between me, myself and I
Because the thought is too terrible to say aloud

Maybe the day will come
When you tell me that it’s her that you want
That you’re just “confused” on what you’re feeling
That you never meant for this to happen
That you’re sorry things happened this way
And all I will be left to say is
“It’s okay, don’t worry about it, I wish you guys the best”
but maybe that’s just my insecurity speaking
hoping the past doesn’t repeat itself

And I hope the day comes
Where I believe your words
Every “I love you”
Every “I’m sure”
I hope the day comes
Where hearing those words don’t make my heart hurt a bit

I hope the day comes
Where I can give this my all
And be able to call you mine
Without worrying about looking stupid in the end

I wish nights like this didn’t exist
Nights where all I do is make things worse for us
Nights where I make things harder for us
I wish I could say things’ll change
But for someone so accustomed to being left, can you really be that surprised?
I wish things were different
I’m sorry they aren’t
Michelle Apr 2020
i wish you were still here to hold me
to tell me everything's gonna be okay
to wipe the tears from my eyes

i wish you were still here to hug me
to lay a kiss on my head
to love me when i felt i couldn't be loved any longer

i wish you didn't have to go
because i need you the most right now

i need you to tell me that everything's going to be okay
need you to hold my hand
as i walk through the fire
need you to distract me from the pain

why did you leave?
please come back
take me with you
Michelle Mar 2020
'Please, love me'
but, those words get caught in my throat

you deserve so much more,
so much better,
than these jagged pieces,
than these shards of what i used to be
in the end,
they will only cut you down
and you deserve better
Michelle Apr 2020
The sound of your name provides bliss never felt before
a faint sense of hope
with just a hint of love

The name of the soul
who means the world to me
who i fell hopelessly in love with

i love you endlessly

— The End —