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Mar 2020
I hate you for all that are
For all that you’ve become
I hate the you that doesn’t care anymore
I hate the you that gave up on us
I hate that I can’t hate you at all

I hate that I always choose to see the best in you
I hate that I always defend you
Even when they’re right
I hate that I reject to see all the negative impacts you’ve made
I hate that I blind myself to who you are now
But I hate that I can’t hate you at all

I hate all the things you’ll never know you caused
All the nights I cried myself to sleep because I wasn’t enough for you
The days spent holding back tears because I was so scared of losing you
All the words written about you
All the hopes of us recovering because it feels like I’ve lost you
I hate that I can’t bring myself to hate you

I hate the days that go by that are full of dry conversations
I hate that I fight for those conversations
The ones you just brush off your shoulder
I hate the one-word answers and the nonchalant attitude you bring
I hate that I can’t hate you at all

I hate that this is just another thing to you
I hate that, even after, you said it wasn’t,
that’s all you portrayed it as
I hate that I’ll be seen as an option to you
I hate that your words can’t even change that anymore
I hate that I can’t hate you at all

I hate how empty your apologies have become
Hate how you can say you’re sorry,
But continue to do the same thing
And over,
And over again.
Do you not realize how much that hurts?
Can you not see the destruction you continue to cause?

I hate that I can’t hate you at all
Hate that I cannot bring myself to bury the love,
Even for a minute,
For a second.
I hate that I will forever see the you that I fell in love with,
While you see my flaws
Front and center.
I hate that I cannot,
Even for a second,
See the you that hurt me
I hate that I cannot hate you at all.
Written by
Michelle  F/Los angeles
(F/Los angeles)   
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