triggered
you laugh as you say the word. this is all a joke to you
of course, there’s no harm to your fun
triggers are just excuses
of course

triggered
my trauma has become a prison
I cannot walk down the street without remembering
the things he did
my hands are always shaking
my eyes are always watering

triggered
you tell me to pull myself together
it was just a joke, no big deal
but believe me, I’m trying
I have been trying for years
holding yourself together is not nearly as easy as it sounds

triggered
my skin is quicksand
the more I struggle, the tighter it becomes
it is crawling with spiders and cockroaches
I am overflowing
my body is too small to hold so much worry

triggered
I do not need your approval to know that my panic is real
but
if you tell me I do not belong in your universe
with all the people who can laugh and play and trust each other
with the people who hear the word *triggered and laugh
chances are, I will believe you

If I can hold on,
Then I can drift away,
Over and away from the beige and the ache,
I can drift into hues of pale pink and cerrulean,
Every shade blended to my skin,
As the sky envelops me,
Wraps me up tight.

Bring on the greys,
The whisps of cloud that blur across the atmosphere,
And rhythmic rain on Sundays and dark days,

But give me
A  violet rose dome while I drift,
The sun scattering clear thick shadows which flash over my eyes while I spin,
Yes give me blues,
While I drift.

He lives in dreams and faraway breaths,
Sighs sing, echoing, from untouched lips.
Memories of dust, bloom into rust
Imprinted on wrinkles, forever-
Permanent. Forever forgotten.
Unbecoming and rotten.
Stir these thoughts, through slotted lids
Eyes turn and twist in wild ways.
Wade and slosh through imagination,
Hushed pigmentation, and
Shushed incantations.
Invoking ceaseless visions of untouched lips,
Dreams that he lives with faraway breaths,
In peace, he rests. In ash, in dust, in flaking rust;
Permanent, in thoughts, born to be forgot.

-SLuR