Once in awhile I like to pretend that I'm more than what I am.
I fall asleep and dream of my name on awards and of people lining up so I can sign my book for them.

Once in awhile I like to remember the past.
And I fall asleep and dream of ****** ****, cheap beer, nights filled with laughter, and kisses good morning.

But everyday I shake myself awake.
Because I still have to write that book.
And it's time for me to make new memories.

Because once in awhile is not enough for me.

A year ago today it was me and her.
That girl who inadvertently started all of this.
I remember walking down her street talking about Oreo's I think.
I remember I was happy I think.
I remember a few weeks later when she tore my heart from my chest.

I remember a few months later when I finally got over her.
I remember it in a fit of yelling and rage.
I remember being able to see clearly.
I remember I was I happy I think.
I remember rekindling an old flame a few weeks later.

I remember sitting in a field by a pond.
I remember dancing in a kitchen.
I remember saying "I love you"
I remember I was happy I think.
I remember a month or two later when I had to leave her behind.

I remember starting fresh.
I remember hot coffee and long nights.
But I also remember teaching myself to sleep.
I remember the first chapter of my first book.
I remember I was happy I think.
I remember the most beautiful eyes I've ever seen.

I guess today is the day for remembering the year, and looking forward to the next.
I look back and I see pain, and tears, and some minor alcohol abuse.
But I also see joy, and new friends, and the fresh air I so desperately needed.
I ****** up a lot in 2014 and if I had the option to go back and change it.
I would decline.
Because right now I'm happy... At least I think.

Is there not something beautiful in the idea of being alone.
I don't mean being lonely because believe me I know.
That's a feeling worse, than broken bones.
No  but there is something about being alone.
Going 80 down a back-road in the middle of the night.
Window cracked, and music full blast.
And you don't really have to worry about tomorrow.
Yeah I would say there can be something beautiful about being alone.