I looked you in the eye and saw you as a lump of clay.
I took it all in with a sigh; you dwindled to a fray.
I'll put you on my potters wheel until your head spins.
and you're nacius.
I'll toss this clay till it's centered and you'll wonder what kind of fiasco you entered. I'll mold you and form you till I have you how I want you.
But that's not you.
I'm not the potter, I am not God.
I'm only a daughter.
Perhaps i entered a land I wasn't meant to trod.
I shouldn't try to rearrange you. Only God can change you.
So how do I reverse this curse i've put over you.
and when this is over will I still know you?
I'll smash you before I take you off my potters wheel so you can restart.
I don't know how to feel since you've reformed my heart.

© copyrighted Nicole Ann Osborn

I used to babble to you about every fear and insecurity.
You used to remind me to "just breathe"
And now, I've been holding my breath for far too long.
Lungs can only be so strong.
What's funny is I used to be used to being alone.
I used to be able to breathe on my own.
But you became a sort of personal ventilator.
It feels as if I'm riding an escalator that only goes down.
And I don't know how I'll make it without you around.
I became dependent on you.
And as descendants of not so great relatives.
You're my only family who dwells in a corner of my heart.
You Calling me family was a start but I can think of many things thicker than blood.
Like the thick sound of heartbreak when you fall to your knees with a thud. Or the thickness of the air that's filled my lungs since
You told me you didn't love me. don't you get how badly that stung?
Now do you understand the reasoning behind how tightly I clung?
I'm so tired of being alone. All that I want is just to go home but  home was in your arms and it's winter and I'm afraid you would no longer keep me warm.
Stop saying you love me, Your "love's" in the wrong form.

© copyrighted Nicole Ann Osborn

I went to bed with your words still in my head.
and it stills aches between my legs where I let you in.

I went to bed with your smell still on my skin.
And my heart still breaks from when I let you in.

It's broken and bleeding yet beating ten times quicker
And I don't know how to fix her,

my poor little heart.
trying to start-

up like an old Chevy
the weight of the world on my shoulders has gotten unbearably heavy

I need your strength
but I'm losing Faith

That we can make it through.
It may be much to late for me and you.

But there's something in the way you throw your head back.
when you laugh.

It warms me like a ray of hope.
and the trace of your touch can't be washed off with soap.

Believe me I've tried.
I gave you everything, then I went to bed and cried.
you stripped me of my clothes
please don't strip me of my pride.
I need you
And I've never confessed anything more true.
You see, I know that to you this was nothing.
But it's defiantly more then something to me.


© copyrighted Nicole Ann Osborn

My mind is a canyon where your voice echoed.
I wish you belonged to me but I think that's what I like most.
That you're not meant to be owned.
And maybe it's wrong of me to wish for you on falling stars.
Maybe It's childish.
But it's so rare to meet someone who knows who they are.
and I don't care what anyone thinks they know.
they do not know you.
And I'm determined to show you I can be all that you need.
I want the best for you, wanting you for myself is simply out of greed
because I know you can do better.
and with every letter I write in each word in each line while you're on my mind is important.
my writing gets distorted at night but every A, B and C is hope
that you might take another look at me.
And maybe see something in me worth saving.
as of now my heart's been replaced with wooden shavings
And the tree that they came from is nothing but a stump
I get a lump in my throat just thinking of how I **** everything I love.
Because I give my whole heart.
And I love things to death.
So I shouldn't be surprised to see that they left.
But I almost always am.
And I don't know how to start the grief process.
when no one is as lost as I am.
I wish you would find me
I've stayed where you left me.
defiantly,
more shaken then I was before.
When you awaken with my scent in your empty bed,
Do you just sleep on the floor?
Do you even know me anymore?
are you torn between not knowing and not caring.
because I'm staring at the walls wishing there was a way to get to you, a way out of here.
it appears that I'm trapped. If these walls could talk they'd be full of crap because all they do is keep me from living.
and the life they're giving me isn't life it's just a safe way to survive.
Because a free spirit shouldn't be confined.
And I'm fed up,
with being fed and given water, shelter and love
like that should be more than enough.
but I love my parakeet.
i give it food and water so it should happily tweet.
But it's still a caged bird like me.
The only thing I truly need is to be free.
and freedom is hard to come by.
you're the only one who's showed me some.
and I don't want this thing to die.
my mind is a canyon where your voice echos
my eyes are canyons full of the tears I haven't let go.
My lungs are canyons full of smoke.
and my hollow laughs at life's sick jokes.
I'm a canyon, quite simply
I'm empty
empty
empty



© copyrighted Nicole Ann Osborn

When I think about the perfect man
It's someone with ambitions, someone with plans.
honestly, I look at his looks last.
I want someone who holds my heart when he's not holding my hand.
someone who listens even if they don't understand.
Someone who accepts me for who I am.
Someone I can T r u s t
who needs me for more than his lust.
someone with long and wavy hair
who hears peoples judgments and just doesn't care
someone with a solar system in the round bones of his spine.
With galaxies in his eyes and the stars shine brighter when he calls me "mine"
the feel of his unseen stubble prickling my cheek
is the one thing that could make me weak.
I want him tie-dyed on the inside.
who knows himself and has self pride.
someone who can admit when he's lied.
Because nobody's perfect but at least he'd have tried.
and if it doesn't work out at least we'd have tried.
because nothing is going to last forever
If it breathes, It's going to leave.
when you find him embrace every moment together.
and when he's gone.
And I search the sky but can't find the sun.
I'll come across a picture of him and remember our fun.
Then come to terms with the fact that what's done is done.

© copyrighted Nicole Ann Osborn