I am full bodied,
fully breathing,
fully reaching, weaving, and sometimes achieving-
fully grieving,
for a father who always kept me reeling
and a memory of him that has kept me believing
in a time i will see his face again.
I am fully alive,
fully seeing,
fully felt, and fully feeling.
There are times that I may not seem fully there
by the look of my glassy stare
but it's because I am way off dreaming-
day time streaming-
imagining some elaborate fantasy
of glittery toy mountains
where the red snow is seeping-
so red faced and gleaming-
pleasant and fearing.
Hushed and blanketed
in the throws of my far off mind
as I create a reality
that soon behooves my own.
I am fully wanting,
fully needing,
sometimes wrong,
and sometimes deceiving.
And if I've hurt you
with my veering
I hope you will someday know
that my actions were abstractions-
fleeting distractions from the passion
I felt for you-
and for us.
And before the breath has left
the darkest caves of my chest
I hope you will forgive
and embrace me
like you do night after night in dreams,
where you slip beneath the sheets
and say you love me once again
and life for us will have just began.
I am fully hated
fully loved and loving,
yet there's nothing in this world
that has been more becoming
then being fully the person that i am-
the good, the bad,
sometimes ridiculous,
sometimes sad,
but mostly prolific way of being,
that keeps on keeping.
Maybe i will never fully understand you
as you will never fully understand me,
but lets come to terms with the possibility
that we will find some sort of peace and gratifying ease,
in you being fully you-
in whatever term that will come to mean,
and me being fully me-
with all the joy, light, darkness, and pain
that this life may see.