❅ ❅ ❅ ❅

I want days to be dark
I want to see no sun
I want to see no spark

I want every day the rain
to wash away the pain
for loving you in vain

I want the light to hide
I feel empty inside.
I say with no pride;

at least i tried

Have you known the winter days?
Late February falls like frigid snow
Merciless undertow
Of evergreen and alpenglow
And grey ground pavement walking
Like Grocery shopping
and weak chai tea
Moonlengths from all family
And surrounded like strawbury temptation,
Late night lamp light contemplation
And drowsy-dampened mornings
Grey glaze of diluted boring
Spattered over every orifice
Charcoal eyes, platonic kiss.
Pull your bow to shoot and miss
Tell me all this is is what it is
And I will tell you, “okay”
(but you know this isn’t what I wanted)

Hide the roadsigns
Blur the guidelines
This is how I love you

Have you known the winter days?
Late February fell like fire on hell
And shook me from my sleep
Ashes cover snow-banked heaps of rubble
I slice my wrist on the sharpened stubble
Of your half-assed beard
(this is how I bleed my dear)
This is how I bear my soul
******* smile
And dominoes
Carnation cults
And buried bones
(This is how I build your throne)

Hide the gravestones
Burn the rainbows
This is how I love you.

And have you known the winter days?
Late February fallen like Lucifer to the underworld
We both knew I wasn’t altogether that typeof girl
But we pretended anyways
Alcoholic halo haze
And foreign intervention
Of somewhat insidious intention
And the legitimate logistical question
That defined our discourse on fear
(this is how I think my dear)
This is how I speak my mind
All that grey
Those missing roadsigns
Smoke and soot and
Blurry guidelines
And Gravestones gone
And rainbows ash
(and we are never coming back)

This.
This is how I love you.

i'm filled with the dull ache & cautious optimism of desire
my belly, usually home to skittish swarms of beetles,
is now a butterfly habitat

suddenly my bed is so lonely &
my skin so untouched...
hazy dreams
of clothes tossed carelessly aside,
the weight of your body on mine

then afterwards
when our limbs tangled together like vines
& our sleepy words hung weightless in the dark
i imagine there would be a stillness inside me,
like calm waters where there used to be a hurricane

Wandering around this room there is nothing but despair,
Misguided souls forced to walk this life from dusk till dawn,
But there is one man, who is aware.
The sight of salvation eggs him on.

Guided by nothing but his love for food,
His eyes become seduced at first glance.
Only in his mind has the object become lewd,
This poor soul has become stuck in a trance.

A piece of pumpkin pie rests on top of a table,
The lost soul makes the pilgrimage to his mistress.
He takes a bite without reading the label,
The forbidden food causes a rare sickness.

Only one word is written on the grave stone, “Beware”.

I like
the sound of your laugh
and how it takes away
all the anguish of my soul
for a little while.

I like
the way you look into my eyes
even though you know
i get self conscious

I like
the way you try to make it up to me
when you push my limits
a little too far
even though i forgave you a while ago

I like
how you make me feel-
all jittery and shy
like a young girl
pretending she knows what love is

but

in the back of my mind
i can see his smile
and the way he runs his hand
through his hair.

in the back of my mind
i can see his excitement
as he shares stories with me
about his favourite things.

In the back of my mind
and late at night
i wonder how is it possible to love
two persons
with two very different personalities
at the same time.