every time I hear church bells I'll think of you
for the rest of my life
as long as someone has hands to ring them

remember how you fell in love with me, samson
and you knew what pandora felt like when she opened up the top
and let all the evil come dripping out into the world.

but pandora was afraid.
you laughed.

you kissed me and my chest became a hurricane
and we'd stand waist deep in rumbling seas
with your lips trying to pull another storm out of mine

I was in your house and on your floor
the holiest thing I have ever done
you gave me my first sips of red wine while you held the cup to my lips

I touched my stained mouth and you laughed
you sounded like a lion and that thought brings joy to the pit of my belly
you clothed me in pure lace, your hand at my back, hip to hip
I decided to make you my wine glass and fill you with the sweetness I fell in love with then

samson, remember when you reached inside of me
and pulled out a feeling I forgot that I knew about
spiritual awakening
words from Genesis

I can't sleep in my bed anymore, samson
because when I close my eyes I see all the stars you bought me
all the stars we named after all the children we'll never have

every crinkle by your eyes
adds to my life line
so I'll never let anyone
read my palms again

my love, I've aged you
my love, when you turn to dust,
I'll have the taste of sweet wine and an empty altar
and the memory of a hundred stars
and a thousand hurricanes

twenty nine steps on a staircase
lavender smell on the softness of your neck
broken bonds broken bones broken bonds broken bones
I wrapped your nightshade bouquet in lace
so it would not burn your frozen fingers

I open my mouth and stained glass falls out
twenty nine steps on a staircase

they pulled your teeth out with forks
while I screamed through the satin
and fought through the stars
I reached out towards you
but my hands grabbed only thorns
and calamity dripped down my hands
twenty nine steps on a staircase

they threw grey dirt on my face
grass and blossoms in my lungs
my fingernails are blue and blue for you
twenty nine steps on a staircase
my eyes are moist with drops of dew
every morning I wake up and drown in your sweet water

29 steps on a staircase
29 steps on a staircase

I was sleeping and woke up choking
I opened my mouth
and eleven pearls came tumbling out
they sat in the palm of my hand
they were your wishes
I put them under my pillow
and forgot they were there

twenty nine steps on a staircase
I pushed you down twenty nine steps on a staircase

they told me about you
while I was sleeping

when I came to you
soft, with a stomach full of tea
and hands in patent leather purse
and eyes to the ground, always

and you were surprised
because your righteous heart
would not let your gentle hands
follow through

and I pressed one cheek to the cold floor
and whispered my satin-lined prayer
to please please please please
let my heart be free from your hand

but I washed your face
and your clothes
and kissed your cheek
and your hand

and I suddenly didn't have to navigate
through a maze of broken branches
to see your hand in mine
and your lips on my shoulder

while you're filling in between the lines
and I'll take off your glasses
and kiss the crinkles by your eyes

but sometimes I feel like every wrinkle was caused by me
every gray hair came from me
because I heard about you
while I was sleeping

I had a nightmare
that your former fiance from Rhode Island
showed up at my door

I had a nightmare
I could feel the lies
pouring out from behind my pupils

my hands would be drowning
trying to put out every fire
we started together

but sometimes I think I forget
that your heart is in my palm too
and that we locked ourselves together

in the quietest room
in the smallest place
because you are mine
and sweetheart, oh sweetheart, I am yours

who let you in
who let you back
where've you been

you used to sit around
with your feet in the weeds
I used to love you
now you're on my hands

you left me for brighter stars
parties with nothing to do
I'd look away
I wanna be around people like you

I don't think I mind if you don't
you sat in the blackberries
now you have briers at your throat

I built my shadow up from dirt
so you'd know where I'm from
if I fell and kissed the ground
at least I know you'd still come

I like to sit and wait around
for what you want and what you do
I'm the thorn in your finger
I wanna be with people like you

you stood out on the porch
you let your lungs go wild
I don't eat the fruit since you left
because you're the prodigal child

if you wanna be replaced
you can
if you wanna be replaced
you can
if you wanna be replaced
you can

you love him
you love his smooth hands and his rough cheek
you love your hands in his denim shirt
and the cinematography of you together
everything else is an afterthought

the knife in his eyes that is not always pointed at you
but when it is
you kiss the fist that rattles plates
the lips that wrap around clenched teeth
melt him

fail to understand his poison tipped arrows
that are aimed at the mother who threw bottles
if he could only pick one more fight it'd be with his father
you kiss him when he knocks his brother's teeth out

he leaves in the morning for coffee and comes back a day later
welcome him with open arms and abundant questions
he will be a tower of irritation and concrete
he will point fingers that will curl into fists
but they are not fists for you
they are for the devils that dance within him
and behind his wild eyes
and in his childhood home

you will not be fooled
he loves you
you know by every sweetheart and the lips on your forehead and the way he smells in between the sheets each night

he leaves
he comes back
purple flowers that bloom around his eyes are the bouquets he brings home for you
the front porch sags when he puts his hands in his pockets
his face buried in your chest
on nights when the lamp swings a little too low
and his body is wracked with sobbing and shoulders shaking

he mourns the gentle temper he never had
he mourns what he would be like without you
he mourns what you would be like without him
this is how he loves you

your hands in his hair easing soothing shh shh
you are the mother who left
you are better than every last ex-girlfriend
for reasons he will be happy to name
this is how you love him

you came because you are drawn to the shipwrecks
but you stayed in the water for him
ancient child
furious soul
you salt his wounds
and then you clean them
this is how you love him