I took it upon myself
to Disconnect for a day

No Social Media
No Twitter
No Email or Text

I was looking to unwind
in a totally different way

No Calls
No Visits
No Car

I drank in the scent of roses
while watching clouds dance.

I walked
I listened
I relaxed.

We're happy and we're sitting in our socks and underwear
And the light from a flickering television screen is casting our laughing shadows onto the wall
And i'm smiling because we're suddenly children again with bowls of cereal
And we are throwing it into each others' mouths, missing more than we are making
And on the television a comedian is telling jokes
And we are having giggling fits because i snort when i laugh and you keep making faces at me
And we are suddenly dead faced, staring at each other and we somehow know we will hurt someday
And we will leave a scar somewhere on the other because love that kind doesn't always have to be kind forever
And i am hoping that you hurt me instead of me hurting you
And suddenly we're not saying goodnight anymore
And the nights spent in our socks and underwear, in our jeans and sweatshirts, in our coats and mittens, in our t-shirts and shorts are the scars that we left
And i still am sitting here hoping that i do not harm you
And you are sitting across from me hoping that i do not harm you
because suddenly i am not laughing and i am not tracing your face with my eyes
And you pick up your pants and your shirt and your baseball cap
And you slip into them in front of the flickering television screen that makes our shadows look like they are dancing
And suddenly, *you leave

Many fingers on the trigger
paid up all your taxes
like a good citizen?
Hypocrisy runs deep.

I’ve never been good with feelings,
But then neither have you.
Especially when you’ve got a mother,
Who criticises everything you do.

Tears seem to stream,
Whenever she’s involved,
It seems neither of my parents want me,
And I’ve never felt so unloved.

I can't be bothered with this anymore.
Too many people are in pain,
Most of my friends drowned before they found the shore,
And I'll never see them again.

Your tongue is like a knife,
Cutting at my skin.
So how do they expect me to defend myself?
When the blade is sinking in.

We didn't have to be around each other all the time,
Because our souls were completely intertwined.

If we were an artist our picture would be ridiculously refined,
To the point where we would hate it because it wouldn't have any human fault.

Then everything would start to taste of salt because we were used to it so sweet.
Ridiculously sweet so it would rot our teeth.

So then we'd have to put fake ones in,
Then we'd become thin because we couldn't eat properly.

And then we'd play Monopoly but we wouldn't understand the rules so we'd play it wrong.

Bright smiles and happy faces,
But not all is what it seems to be.
Everyone has a mask, each one different from the last.  
One may be close to truth, but never so.
One may be an entirely different as to what the wearer feels.
And for this one girl nothing has ever been real.

Do you know who she is?
This little girl who didn’t exist?
Her feelings?
Her thoughts?
Perhaps not.

Her peacocks are dead.
Her stars have been banished.
Everything is black.

I can’t just vanish

Ah, the night the darkest hour
It’s then she realizes she isn’t living.
She is only trying to hold on for just one more sun.
Just waiting for the night to be done.

But this is her last, and all that’s left
is her mask

Memories of you
Cannot fill these empty arms
Pride can't keep me warm

Go ahead, saunter up and down the aisles
Run your finger down the shelves where I carefully placed all the fears I hold
But nowhere will you find that I fear walking this world in solitude
For I am a King inside the mansion of all my 206 bones

I am a shelter for myself
I seek only myself
I harbor love so passionate for myself, that I may burst like the death of a Star
I sometimes gift wrap the World and place it on a silver platter, just for me

But sometimes,
when the Universe trembles and the angels cry
I put my hands over my ears
because the quiet gets a little too loud
And when I sit on my throne and glance over my shoulder

Your absence,
I feel it a little too much