mae - Hello Poetry

mae Aug 2021

i’ve been trying to fill the void you left.
first in an attempt to make you miss me,
by counting my calories and running for hours on end.
and that worked for a while.
but then it was empty again.
so i resorted to new substances,
smoking things you had warned me of.
getting that high and forgetting about you until it all came crashing down again.
and then finally with older men,
in crowds that should’ve made me uncomfortable.
but for some reason the objectification i received eased the pain of your rejection.
until it went too far,
and i didn’t have you there to protect me anymore.

#breakup #manipulation #alone

Aug 2021

Ray Dunn

the sun today

it may be late,
but the sun came up enough today
for it to go down.

that’s enough for me.

#sun #today #weather #beauty #sunset

mae Aug 2021

goodnight baby.

most of all i miss saying goodnight to you.
closing my eyes and processing that the last thing i heard was “i love you”.
dreaming of what we would create in our infinite tomorrows.
imagining you there next to me,
easing my anxiety with your touch.
breathing in the same air under the same blankets.
and second most of all i miss waking up,
to the optimism that surrounded the future we had.
when that future was of us,
and when i knew my days would be filled of i love you’s

mae Aug 2021

Time

Time.
That's what you need.
I can give you time.
But I'm sure already that time will change me.
Warping my image of you,
into an unrecognizable,
undesirable form.

So if it's time you need,
I'm giving you all the time in the world.
I can't promise I'll be able to handle the separation,
I can't promise I'll be here when that time is up.

mae Aug 2021

crickets

the last time i sat here was with you,
on the smallest step off the porch in my backyard,
you grabbed my hand in yours and told me you loved me.
so much has changed since then.
i fondly recall now how i couldn’t focus on anything but your eyes,
the chill in the air brought me closer to you.
this time around the crickets fill the emptiness,
that has been surrounding me since you left.
i let myself shiver,
and wonder if you were here,
how different things would be.

mae Aug 2021

not the forever i wanted.

for now or forever?
i asked about the break you were instilling between us.
and your eyes fogged over,
your heart skipped a beat,
i knew as much as you wanted to be honest,
“for now”,
was the greatest lie of all.
but you’re still my home,
my love for you is endless,
so i hope for that world where “for now”,
replaces “forever”.

mae Aug 2021

molded heart

the thought of losing you leaves agony in the indents you have created within my heart. the waves and creases filled with thoughts of regret. tucked away corners now coated in a melancholy longing for that astonishing glance you used to give me. when i cry, i can hear the whispers of lullabies sung to me in your sedative sound. as strong as they are now, filled with gusto and ease, one day they will be isolated memories along with the rest of you. indentations remaining after you depart.